THE Man Fang's

small girl in a big world

2012-01-10T20:01:00.000+08:00

So I've been in the workforce for 2 months already. Sometimes, I kinda envision it as a dark room, with myself looking around, wondering 'Is reality really that different from what I had expected it to be?'

When I was just a student back in school, earning 2k a month seemed like a dream to me. Looking back, as compared to the $50 I was getting a week, without the need to care so much about the future or even pay for my own transport expenses and phone bills, 2k really seemed luxurious. Think of all the wonderful things that amount of money can bring! I could fund my photography, buy a better set of earpieces, buy more books, probably get new clothes, shoes and bags, eat at expensive places and try out all kinds of exquisite snacks without feeling the pinch of the price! Of course, that was how I felt upon receiving my first paycheck (+bonus! ^^)..

However, as the month passed, I began to think of the greater things in life, how life would be in the future as myself, as the individual out there to eke out a living with my own abilities - with the current amount I'm earning, I honestly won't go anywhere. Yes, I admit that for an A level graduate, my pay is indeed pretty high.. but it's really not sustainable in the long run with such costs of living in sunny Singapore.

Honestly, I did begin with airy fairy dreams of investing in properties, working my way up to my dream Alfa Romeo or Mini Cooper.. but as the details of the plan kicked in, I began to realise how difficult it is to survive on such a paltry sum of money. I mean, I never really had the habit of saving back in school, something I kind of regret now, living the kind of lifestyle that would probably lead me to spend all my money away on frivolous things. Putting that habit aside, it still seems pretty tough to survive out there on my own at this point in time - thank goodness I'm still living under my parents' roof!

Humility came from mulling upon the 3 basic things that man needs to lead a comfortable lifestyle - a shelter above his head, food to fill his tummy, and a mode of transport to bring him around.

Having thought of investing in property before, I set out to look for private apartments to buy up to rent out in order to rake in some passive income cause I'm not eligible to apply for any HDB related house yet. The dreams of little sheltered and naive me were immediately shattered when jaw dropping prices of even the smallest houses in the market loaded before my eyes. 'I'll never be able to afford this until 10 years later!', the little voice in my head screamed. Indeed it's true that the prices of property in Singapore have been on a relentless rise for a few years.. but $500k for a one bedroom apartment in an ulu part of this island is really out of what I had previously expected. I couldn't even think of affording the downpayment for these units. This really prompted me to think of the future, if I would really need to buy an apartment of my own with my future husband.. how expensive would it be? Would we be able to afford it?

The little high and mighty bubble was burst further when I went grocery shopping with my parents recently. My family averages $350 on our grocery bill per month, and that's shopping at discounted prices and buying mostly the really basic things a home needs. $350 a month to feed a family of 3, not inclusive of just-in-time kind of expenditure like buying gas from the supplier (nope, we don't use piped gas), not inclusive of perishables such as fresh meats and vegetables that my mum buys from the market almost daily. I really had no idea food was that expensive. As a student, grocery shopping meant daddy paying for the snacks I bring to school, it meant that my baking expenses would be covered, and it also meant that I had an option of what breakfast to bring to school every morning instead of spending my weekly allowances at the canteen. I really respect my dad for his ability to budget the family expenditure after thinking through this. If I have a kid with an attitude like my own I'd probably.. I don't know what I would do, really.

Transportation. I'm still in the midst of figuring out how much I spend on buses and trains and sadly, cabs each month. Cab fares when I was working part time seemed to be a "got money just spend" thing. Such a luxury which ironically though I am able to afford now, rather not spend on. Transport concession for myself now would probably be over a hundred bucks a month. In the long term, dreams of buying my own car when I enter university threatens to put some strain on my finances then with the monthly maintenance and all that. Oh well, part and parcel of owning a car I suppose.

With all these in mind, I really can't help but to sigh when my friends tell me that I'm so much richer than them now just because I'm holding a full time job.. when university graduates earn much more than A level graduates. So friends, if you manage to read all the way here... study hard okay! Life isn't as nicely painted or nicely planned out as you imagine it to be unless you already have a shitload of savings.. so start saving money as well! It will come in handy in future. Really. (:

1024 x 1280

2012-01-01T12:58:00.001+08:00

2011:

year of love, laughter, hopes, disappointments, trials and tribulations.

glad i found zc and we've been battling every obstacle that comes by ever since. seen the true colours of some people, which honestly hurt - but i suppose it made me a better and stronger person. found out who my true friends are. made awesome new friends, entered a new lease of life. experienced more ups and downs on my journey to joining my workplace now, carved out a career for myself. went on awesome trips in 3 different continents, with family, zc, buddies and awesome friends.

it's been a good year, but now it's time to move on.

2012:

i'm not really sure what to expect yet, but i'll continue striving to do my best at work, to be a better person emotionally and in the way i talk. i'll strive to lose weight this year and make sure i stick to it. i'll be more accepting that i already am, and be a better friend than i was in 2011.

Tamworth

2011-11-13T11:17:00.000+08:00

been here for about a week and what can i say, things have been great :D flown my first sortie already.. kinda bumpy but the feeling of it is just damn bloody awesome.. so much so that it really reminded me, and reinforced the reason of why i wanted to do this in the first place :D

yeah, i do miss everyone back in singapore, and i do get upset sometimes cause of that, but i'm really fortunate to have caring coursemates with me here to hear me out whenever i feel down and i'm really grateful for that.. and new days always bring new beginnings! (:

kinda time to start revving up cause the weeks ahead are gonna get tough and i need to be able to go with the flo' :D so i'm gonna stop ranting here and leave a photo of what i see everyday...

bye!

motivation

2011-10-30T00:43:00.000+08:00

damn it. flying off on thursday and what the hell am i doing? watching ryan higa on youtube, reading random blogs, surfing facebook and the likes.. while my coursemates are probably mugging away ): i know i'm meeting ben tomorrow but this is too much ): need to start getting my ass to work or die a terrible death!

it's a vicious cycle - i study, then start feeling saturated, then start slacking, then feel stressed that i'm not studying, look for useless things online such as "top 10 motivational songs" to get my ass off the chair, spend another 98739123 hours downloading those songs, and feel stressed that i'm not studying again, and start cramming like crazy, and feel saturated again.

unhealthy much.

guess i'm gonna cram in another episode of studying..

Bucket List!

2011-10-11T22:13:00.003+08:00

Academics
~~-attain a B average in A levels!~~
-attend a class in California
-get a degree in communication studies!

Places to visit
-Austria: Dachstein Sky Walk (link)
-Austria: Top of Tyrol (link)
-Australia, New South Wales: Illawarra Fly Tree Top Walk (link)
-Australia: Great Barrier Reef
-Brazil/Argentina: Iguazu Falls (link)
-Canada, Québec: Hôtel de Glace (link)
-Italy: Il Binocolo (link)
-Japan: Capsule Hotels! (link)
-Kenya: Giraffe Manor! (link)
-Maldive Islands (link)
-Norway: Aurland Lookout (link)
-New Zealand: Auckland Sky Tower (link)
-Peru: Machu Picchu
-Switzerland: Landscape Promontory (link)
-Sweden, Stockholm: Jumbo Hostel! (link)
~~-USA, Arizona: Grand Canyon Sky Walk (link)~~
-USA, Wisconsin: Infinite Room at House on the Rock (link)
-USA, Seattle: Space Needle! (link)
-USA, California: Six Flags Magic Mountain (link)
-USA, Ohio: Cedar Point (link)
-USA, Nevada: Join The Burning Man Project! (link)
-UK, Lancashire: Blackpool Pleasure Beach (link)

Things to do
-Bungee Jumping
-Join a Choir
-Deep Sea Diving
-Go on an Elephant Ride!
-Have an Elephant Massage (:
-~~Fly a real plane!~~
~~-G-Max Reverse Bungee!~~
-Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
-Buy something strange from Japan's vending machines!
-Fishing
~~-Run a marathon!~~
~~-Run a FULL marathon!~~
-Participate in a triathlon!
-Ride a Mechanical Bull
~~-Meet up with old friends~~
-Meet up with ex-teachers
-Mentor in NCWO
~~-Be a Teacher~~ (tuition teacher)
~~-Watch the Olympics live!~~ (youth olympics!)
-Paragliding
-Skydiving
-Participate in Songkran in Thailand!
-Ride a gondola in Venice!
-Fishing!
-~~Prawning!~~

Skills to learn
-Archery
-Akido
~~-Bowling~~
-Flying
-Master the French Horn
-Master the Trumpet
-Kayaking
-Languages (Japanese, Korean, French, Italian, Cantonese, Malay)
-Shooting
-Fishing

dreams

2011-10-02T15:04:00.001+08:00

What are dreams made of?

December 2007 - June 2008

SYFC seemed like such a long time ago. I still remember my initial elation when I first gotten my letter of acceptance, CAI lessons, hanging out in the wings cafe with the course, SIM lessons.. not forgetting the whole mumbo jumbo drama that came after that.. 2008 was a hell of a time.

158BFC

The BOARD.

Prata(s) @ Jln Kayu (:

Flour, ketchup, eggs, (a whole list of mumbo jumbo)... and chincaluk :D

BFFL! :D

With Mr Hi (:

'dreams, dreams, of when we have just started things..'

Of course I made some wonderful friends after leaving that place.. which is honestly much more enriching to me than the flights itself.. But more importantly, that place left me with a sense of aspiration.. a goal that I have worked towards since then, during my studies and all. Now I'm at the brink of beginning on that journey.. wonder how things will turn out.. This anticipation kind of makes me a little nostalgic about times back then.. cause it's really a huge step for me.. i will gambate then! :D time to flyyyyyy~

U-S-of-A!

2011-07-07T16:23:00.000+08:00

So i'm currently in the states on holiday, missing everyone back in Singapore, especially the whale hunter in Japan right now..

Just returned from the awesome Grand Canyon, Yellowstone Park and the terrible Las Vegas 2 days ago. Was on a tour with a whole bunch of PRCs, a couple of HK people and Taiwanese.. and a cute guy (: oops. =X

Anyhow, I really miss Singapore a lot! ): Homesickness. rah.

And I need to cut down on my shopping or it wouldn't fit into my luggage! To date I've gotten like 5 bags, 5 pairs of shorts and 4 pairs of shoes! That's on top of the dresses, tops and shirts which I have gotten already..

12 more days! damnnn ):

melancholy

2011-06-11T16:16:00.002+08:00

Is this goodbye?

2011-05-26T03:33:00.004+08:00

Sigh.

I really wish time would reverse itself right now. Perhaps I would have done something to preserve the friendship, or something to prevent today's outcome.. Perhaps I wouldn't have done anything at all. Is this really goodbye? Am I now nothing but a mere shell, or an SOS helpline?

As time passes, everyone would develop their own separate lives. Some friends stay, some move on to better places, new friends, new environments.. Then you look back and wonder where all that time has gone - by then it would be too late for regrets.

Sometimes I feel that I've already done my best, sometimes I feel that I'm in the wrong, sometimes I feel that there was more that could have been done. Yet, sometimes I feel that I should move on, too. Why make someone a priority in my life while I was an option in theirs?

Perhaps this is really goodbye.
没了，才知道什么叫没了。

The Second Star To The Right

2011-05-16T01:22:00.002+08:00

I'm going to Hong Kong with two of the best people in the world! :D (though they seem to love bullying me)

Should really be sleeping now.. pretty exhausted after today's rush of events: Tennis in the morning, followed by a rushed lunch and then a really frustrating (and expensive) cab ride to work! Work! At castle beach :D woohoo! Made a new friend today! Awesome guy, he is! (:

Then I met up with ZC and we headed over to DTF for an XLB dinner! Whee! (: Spent that part of the night trying to scrunch/cringe/contort my face into different expressions just to entertain and annoy him! Ahahaha. And he did the same! Cute (: I have an awesome boyf ((: Sometimes I don't really know how fortunate I am, or how silly I can be.. ((:

Went back to MI for I day yesterday. Honestly, I never did realise how much I miss school until I got to chat with my teachers and friends. Sweet memories. Time does really fly - 4 years have just gone like that, ending with a BANG, and a politically correct comment regarding commitment to study. Honestly? I would have just said "Aiyah! Just study only!" Oh well. Not in front of an audience of 600, from the mouth of the principal, at least. (: Guys who knew me well during my school days would jolly well know that I was #1 for 3 things - absentiseem, lateness and sleeping in class. Not exactly the model student that one would look up to, I'd say. (: School was fun. Real fun. Real life's not. Well, not the work part to say the least.

Alrighties. Need to sleep in order to get my ass to work tomorrow (: Gdnite peeps (:

Princess Personality (:

2011-04-24T21:22:00.002+08:00

Cinderella:
[ ] One of your parents is dead
[ ] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[ ] You love to dress up
[ ] You love animals
[ ] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[x] Your mom is really strict
[ ] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[x] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[x] You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before
[ ] You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 3

Belle:
[x] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like
[ ] You’ve been lost in the forest
[x] You love to read
[ ] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird
[x] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[x] You love to take care of people in need
[ ] You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty
[x] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out
TOTAL: 6

Jasmine:
[ ] Your dad is very rich/important
[ ] You are very clever
[x] You’ve been with someone way different from you
[x] You’re unique and different from everyone else
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[ ] You don’t have a lot of friends
[x] You’re independent
[ ] You are wealthy
[x] Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 6

Ariel
[x] Your parents expect a lot from you
[x] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you
[x] You’re a bit of a trouble maker
[x] You’re the youngest in your family or in the last 2
[ ] You have a lot of sisters (3 or more)
[x] You collect something
[x] You have/had long, hair
[x] You have/had a pet fish
[x] You’re extremely curious
[ ] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible
TOTAL: 8

Snow White:
[ ] You know that you’re beautiful
[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[ ] You’ve almost been killed
[x] You have at least seven good friends
[ ] You’ve had food poisoning
[x] You have/had short hair
[x] You get along with almost everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[x] You’re happier when you’re out of the house than in
TOTAL: 6

Mulan:
[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[x] People wish you could be a bit more girly
[x] You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not
[ ] You’ve had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/had considered running away from home
[x] Your parents try to plan your life out
[x] A lot of your friends are boys
[x] You often find yourself in bad situations
[ ] You feel like the world’s against you.
[x] Your principles are more important to you than anything else.
TOTAL: 7

Aurora:
[ ] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents
[ ] You almost died at a very young age
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[x] You have a decent singing voice
[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[x] You spend most of your time outside
[ ] You’re adopted
[x] You’re very romantic
[ ] Pink is one of your favorite colors
[x] You constantly sleep in.
TOTAL: 6

Pocahontas:
[x] You love to walk around and explore big cities
[x] You are more spiritual than religious
[ ] You’ve been in an interracial relationship
[x] One of your family members is dead (mum, dad, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa)
[x] Your parents are very protective of you
[ ] Someone you know has been in war
[x] You love nature
[x] You have/had black hair
[x] You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[x] You’re very adventurous
TOTAL: 8

Rapunzel:
[ ] You’re an orphaned child or have an evil step-mother
[x] You have many different hobbies to keep you busy
[x] You can get really bored
[ ] You have very long hair (at least mid-back length)
[ ] Your hair is bright Blonde
[x] You’re an artsy person
[x] You’re childish
[x] You can’t wait to stop the same routine each day and start living. Yet the thought of leaving is scary.
[x] You care about others and their feelings
[x] You like to follow the rules. Sometimes you cannot for your own good and then you feel conflicted and worry about how your mother will react.
TOTAL: 7

Seems like I'm more princessy than I think I am? XD

Of travels, tests and sports

2011-04-15T10:48:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the long absence. -blows off dust- Thing's have been really busy after I started working, with loads of claims to process, exercise regimes after work, and tennis lessons on Sunday.. Firstly, my command of written English is depreciating, so pardon the awkward sentence structures and stuff like that.

On another note, I've GOT to blog about the most champion thing that happened today. Took half a day's leave to take my Basic Theory Test at SSDC. Didn't study for it, so I woke up at 6 to do so. Prior to digging out the book to read, I checked my email for the time and location of the test.. only to find out that it's on 20 April. -_-

The best thing about this? My NAPFA Test for RSAF is on the same date. I guess I COULD make it on time because the physical test is at 8am and the theory test is at 11.45am? Hope I won't be too tired to do the theory test.. and go back to work after that.

Sports-wise, tennis was REALLY fun! With funny course mates like ZC, HK and MJ, and a coach with a lot of actions, it's never a dull moment in lesson, though it might be a little tiring. I think this course will really help me with my hand-eye co-ordination cause somehow I need to prevent myself from hitting the balls at the coach. XD Other than tennis, the swimming complex and the roads in Hougang and Punggol Park have been a regular haunt for HK, ZC and I. Keeping fit really gives me a sense of satisfaction, and a good night's sleep! Though my initial motive is to train up for the NAPFA test mentioned above, I really really don't mind doing this every week (:

Moving forward (..this phrase picked up from my supervisor), I'd really love to go travelling in June or something! After reading a review on Taiwan's Shilin Night Market here, I really have an urge to go there, just to EAT! Counter-productive, I know. Hehe! But I feel so POOR - With $1.98 in my bank account and payday nowhere in sight, this hope of a vacation is really a castle in the sky..

My heart also goes out to the people of Japan, being struck by multiple high magnitudes earthquake aftershocks, even after their nuclear disaster. Even though Geography has taught us that Japan is one of the most well-prepared nations for earthquakes in the world, the state that they are in now contradicts what the books say. Once payday comes, I'll be sure to donate some money to the Red Cross, cause I really cannot do anything to help them now.. and I hope you do too! I have friends and teachers who have volunteered for Mercy Relief, which in my opinion is doing a really good job of rallying support for the Japan quake victims. (:

Yup, so that's about all I have to say here. At least I've made my half-day off somewhat productive today? (:

school sleep cycle

2011-03-29T01:58:00.000+08:00

I'm surprised that I've been pretty consistant with updating my blog despite my very irregular schedule?! -beams with pride- ANYWAY. Life's been treating me fairly well.. Pretty epic experiences so far, with work, outings, crafts and the likes; With sports, food and friends. Of course, I haven't neglected my university application (: Nonetheless, I still find time to think about my memories during my school days sometimes, and I suppose that there ARE integral parts of school life that you can't ever beat, even when you have total freedom from assignments and exams after graduation - things like climbing the school gate, being ninjas in the school and boycotting the canteen as a class. Things like mugging at Subway from 10am to 6pm, getting chased out and studying at LJS from 8pm to 10pm.. It's a fair deal, I suppose.

I. I'm currently employed with 2 absolutely wacky temps ala HK and Sarah! :D Which is pretty worrying cause I'm still not asleep at this kind of god-foresaken hour.

II. My laptop has decided to go on strike. I just hope I don't create a fire hazard in my room while trying to advert this strike.

III. Here is a rainbow for you.

IV. I have a freaking AWESOME boyf, who can be super handsome if he decides to dress up like this:

V. I freaking need to run to lose all the flabs and fats. Been eating too much good food.

VI. Currently granted admission to NUS FASS. Guess those 4 years of emotional trauma/stress and panic attacks were worth it after all.

VII. Passed my Compass Freaking Test! FINALLY. :D Next up - INTERVIEW. I seriously can't explain how elated I was when CPL CLEMENT broke the news.. XD More like a fist-punch-in-the-air-in-the-middle-of-a-busy-and-stressed-office awkward moment. XD

VIII. Need to Freaking Sleep and prepare for the Battle of the Kio Sai tomorrow..

sorry for not being perfect

2011-03-27T03:08:00.001+08:00

Compass

2011-03-24T12:15:00.002+08:00

2.5 years ago I had an aspiration.

Today I still have the same aspiration. Going to cmpb to take my compass test now, the very stage I faltered at in 2008. I'm really crossing my fingers and hoping that I wont fail again.. Hoping that I will be sharper today... Hoping for good news..

I'd be lying if I said I'm totally calm about it.. Time to beef up and use the rest of my journey there to rest and refresh my mind (:

Wish me luck! (:

dust

2011-03-22T03:34:00.000+08:00

Okay so it's getting a little dusty in here.. Right.

Pretty screwed up body clock of late, sleeping at 4am and waking up at 12pm.. Been pretty occupied with DotA, going out, uni application, RSAF application and all that.. Oh, how could I forget - Growing Fat! My favourite activity! No, seriously. I need to lose some kgs. Rahh. Been playing a little basketball of late, but I doubt that's enough to conquer all the ice cream, fried chicken, and all that jazz in my tummy.. =/

Anyhow, Threadless $10 sale now on! :D Yippee (: Just as I was about to go shopping for clothes too! (: Yawnnn.. Gotta go sleep after making payment (which is taking forever!)...

stars

2011-03-07T04:07:00.000+08:00

i guess the day of reckoning has finally came.. and left. i must say that all the worrying was (somewhat) uncalled for; honestly, i do feel a sense of pride in what i have achieved over the past 4 years, though these years might have allowed me to go through the worst i have ever experienced in my life. nevertheless, i am still grateful for the teachers, friends, foes, lovers, ex-lovers, aquaintences, dogs, cats, geese, chickens, mice who have been in my life, walking with me through this journey so far. every experience has taught me something new, regardless of whether it was A level related or not. having graduated with grades that i am finally satisfied with (or so i have decided to settle with instead of regretting that i didn't put in that TEENY WEENY bit more of effort here and there), it's finally time to go ahead with carrying out the blueprint that i had drawn out for myself over the past few years - another step into adulthood.

after talking to a few friends and reading a few blogs from friends who graduated from more reputable JCs, i came to realise one thing - I, coming from a so-called 'dumping ground' institute achiveing the results that i have today, am filled with a seemingly innocent spark of hope that might be foolish... or not. dreams of scholarships, overseas universities, and all that jazz isn't exactly resonated in my friends' choice of paths. perhaps it's because 90% of their school trends As and Bs, and what i have is rather mediocre, or maybe even pretty lousy as compared to them. oh well, why does it even matter? i suppose that spark of innocent, foolish hope would help me TRY to aim for the stars...

since young, i had always been grounded by my fears of failure, and not even try because i saw others fail and fall. i had always been constrained by systems, by stereotypes, by others' beliefs. a conversation with my friend brought up the issues of foreigners taking over locals in the talent pool, of locals migrating outwards, of the political arena and how it stiffles local talent. i don't disagree with that.. perhaps it's my grounding as a national ed councillor that caused me to feel that if only locals themselves have a little more nation pride and a little more perserverance, they would outshine the foreigners.. perhaps it's my inexperience, being a fresh graduate from the system, that has caused me to be foolish and naive in thoughts.. maybe. looking back, i guess i have really either grown much younger in maturity level or become much more of a daredevil with the 'just whack' mentality.. which might be a good thing after all.

the above post might seem rather incoherent to you.. it's 4am and i really should be sleeping.. the main point of this post is..

I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE SAY, I'M STILL CHASING MY DREAMS.

sedated

2011-03-03T23:19:00.001+08:00

i just hope that the meds will kick in soon and i'll drift off into a dreamless sleep...

terror week: 3 days

2011-03-02T11:34:00.000+08:00

so my birthday was yesterday.

unlike others who spend their 21st birthdays at chalets, restaurants, with friends, out enjoying themselves.. i spent my 21st being surprised. well pulled off, i must say, thanks to zc (:

as boss always says, sometimes, plans might be really nicely drawn out, but when it comes to the actual, it would look nothing like the plan. this was what happened yesterday. zc and i, both being sick cats, wound up at the clinic waiting for doctor appointments. gahh.

and we were both so knocked out by the sleep-inducing pills that we agreed to stay home for the day after that.

so much for being twenty-one. i really don't feel the pinch of it. not yet, i guess.

XXI

2011-03-01T00:47:00.000+08:00

people spend the first minutes of their 21st partying, at a chalet, blowing out cake candles, drinking, and all that.. i spend my first minutes of my first step into adulthood... SHOWERING.

heh.

anyway, the date is out~ just as expected. this friday will be judgement day.. not really expecting anything. hoping for the best, preparing for the worst. rsaf application form ready to go already.. (: all the best people (: you reap what you sow (usually)!

terror week: 5 days

2011-02-28T02:50:00.002+08:00

the jitters are coming in.

the boy whose music-making never fails to make to gaze at him in awe, melting my heart in the process (:

melting;

2011-02-15T20:48:00.000+08:00

ok. i'm pretty much dying of boredom, so i'm boycotting the shift key today.

job search has been futile of late, except for an offer from one school, which wanted to engage me, but only in april. maybe. till then, i don't really feel like looking for any jobs.. zz. lazy me. been looking into holga mods, skins and designs lately, partially cause i don't really like the colour of the holga 120 gcfn i have cause i'm not a fan of teal green, neither did i willingly choose the colour myself. seriously, i would have gone for the red/white one (which i bought for boyf!!) if given the choice. ANYWAY, back to the topic... i'm thinking of how i can decorate/design my holga and maybe think of ways to earn a quick buck out of it.. HMM.

also looking to buy cheap 120 or 35mm film of either ASA200 or ASA400.. and also instax mini.. my diana f+ instant back has arrived! yippie (: i haven't officially received my diana f+ dexlue set from boyf & friends yet (though i know it has arrived)! excited excited..

on a separate note althogether, boyf's in some mlm meeting and i don't know what's going on ): not that i'm against mlm or anything, but it's just something i won't do. marketing and selling? nah. i'll give it a miss, thanks. sigh. hope his buddy and himself are doing a-okay..

gahh. shall go back to being entertained by chat roulette improvs. i don't mean to say that i'm a pervy stalker on dickroulette, or so others have affectionately termed it due to the high possibility of you getting someone wanking off when you're connected there.. it's just that some youtube contributers are simply INGENIOUS in their attempts to spoof people using chatroulette and it's pretty amazing to see what they do (: go youtube for it and see for yourself (:

First, Second (:

2011-02-01T13:48:00.000+08:00

Wow, January has just whizzed past like that. First Feb. It's been a month of unemployment and bumming around - can't say that I've achieved much; more rest than i ever had in the past few years, maybe. More time to piece together my relationship (: and stuff like that. I'm trying not to let the setbacks in my life affect me right now.. If I choose to embrace all the disappointments in life, it's going to be a dark, dark 2011.. So I'm just trying to put things into perspective and be a little happier (:

Second. Second month of us being together. It's a long long journey ahead of us, and it's evidently fraught with threats and possible setbacks.. but I'm sure we're pretty sure that we will be strong enough to deal with the problems together. (: Let's work hard togheter!

Nerd.

2011-01-28T17:31:00.000+08:00

Hello all. The Greatest Nerd On Earth is here to blog again! Out of complete boredom, I started surfing around my friends' facebook accounts, stalking the little girls they add, who are like 10 years younger than themselves. Honestly. At the tender age of thirteen, I was like some blur cock with bad hair running around the school. These days, I see kids of that age talking about their kick from alcohol, how they are trying (very hard) to quit smoking, how much they love their other halves. Other halves? Seriously? I'm 20 and still trying to maintain my relationship. Seriously. Out of complete boredom, I stole this off one of their blogs =X And for comparison sake, just to see if after breaking almost all the rules in MI, I'm still a good girl, I shall just do a 21 year old vs 12 year old result analysis. Yes, i'm THAT bored. (:

Level 1:

[x]Sleep in class -ALL THE TIME.

[x]Talked in class

[x]Not seating at your own place in class

[x]Scolded by a teacher

[x]Litter the classroom

[x]Did not do your homework at least 15 times

[x]Submitted your homework late at least 10 times

[x]Came late for school at least 10 times

[x]Brought/wore home clothes without school's permission

[x]Brought/wore jewellery to school

[x]Did not pay attention in class for at least 60% of the time

[x]Cried out "sian" or "walao eh" to the teacher

[x]Plucked a flower/ killed a plant in school

[x]Copied other people's homework in desperation

[x]Played a trick on your classmates/teacher

Total so far: (15) 15

Level 2:

[x]Sent for detention class

[x]Late in class

[x]Not wearing your school uniform (if you have) properly

[x]Shouted at the top of your voice during lesson time

[x]Scolding vulgarities in class

[x]Sported hairstyle deemed unacceptable by the school

[x]Used a school facility without school's permission -STAFF TOILET =X

[x]Played soccer/basketball or any other sports in classroom

[ ]Singing loudly during lesson

[x]Walking around the class aimlessly during lesson time

[x]Did not greet the teacher properly

[x]Went to the toilet during lesson time without permission

[x]Played a trick on the teacher during april fools

[x]Used the teacher's table as a rubbish dump

[ ]Made yourself a nuisance to the teacher

Total so far: (27) 28

Level 3:

[x]was asked to stay back after school/ break time

[x]made a fool out of morning assembly -UNFORGETTABLE -_-

[x] wasted the school's toilet paper

[ ]sabotaged someone

[x]irritated someone

Total so far: (31) 32

Level 4:

[x]forged your parent's signature

[x]forged a classmate's signature

[ ]forged a teacher's signature

[ ]made rude remarks to the school cleaners in front of them

[x]flew a paper aeroplane down from the school's highest storey

Total so far: (35) 35

Level 5:

[x]fiddling with your handphone during lesson time -ALWAYS =/

[x]played with your PSP in school -DEREK'S (:

[x]using school computer to play games without a teacher's permission

[x]listened to an MP3 player in school

[x]messed with the teacher's pigeon hole

Total so far: (40) 40

Level 6:

[x]vandalising with school property

[x]tried to defame your school in public

[x]used the internet to scold teachers

[ ]fought with someone in school

[ ]shoplifted in school

Total so far: (42) 43

Level 7:

[x]cheated in a class test

[ ]cheated in a school examination

[ ]cheated for your PSLE/ GCE 'O' or 'A' Level Examination

[x]Lied to your teacher

[x]played truancy for hall assemblies/ specific lessons

Total so far: (46) 46

Level 8:

[x]took drugs in school -PAINKILLERS THAT MAKE YOU HIGH..

[ ]smoked in school

[ ]set fire to something in the school

[x]locked the teacher out of the classroom

[x]played truancy just after coming to school just to take attendance

Total so far: (46) 49

Level 9:

[ ]refused to pay school fees

[ ]cheated the school money

[x]stole things which belonged to the school -CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT, BUT I'M SURE HAVE. SOMEHOW.

[ ]bullied someone in school

[ ]prank called your school

Total so far: (48) 50

Level 10:

[x]raised your voice/shouted against a student leader

[x]raised your voice/shouted against a teacher

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your discipline master/mistress

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your vice-principal

[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your principal

Total so far: (51) 52

Level 11:

[x]brought weapons to the school -PENKNIFE. WHICH WAS CONFISCATED AT YOG -_-

[x]brought real firearms to the school -LIGHTER :D

[ ]brought a real bomb to the school

[ ]fired a real weapon in the school with the motive to frighten/kill

[ ]dressed up as a terrorist to school(Fashion terrorist also accepted)

Grand total: (52) 54

Ranks:

If you are between 0-15 -------------{I am a good student}

If you are between 16-20------------{I am a good student but with occasional trouble}

If you are between 21-30------------{I am an average student}

If you are between 31-40------------{I am a bad student}

If you are between 41-50------------{I am a very bad student}

If you are between 51-60------------{I should have been caned by the discipline master}

If you are between 61-65------------{I should have been expelled from school}

If you are between 66-75------------{I should have been sent to a reformatory center}

So it seems that I'm still more badass. XD Ok. I don't really know if i should be happy about this, actually. AHAHA. Anyway. I should have been caned by the discipline master! But who would? I'm such a nice sweet and lovable student! -cues in loud retching sounds in the background- Alright. Off to complete my Caballa Relics key quests in Trickster and to clean my room (:

Follow Your Dream

2011-01-28T09:09:00.000+08:00

I was working with Fiona, Fariz, Humaira, Zhou Cheng and a few others. There was a morning shift and an afternoon shift, and I was working for both. In between the morning and afternoon shift, I decided to shop around for a bicycle, so I went to a few sports shops, which were apparently robbed. I couldn't find what I wanted. Feeling dejected, I went to KFC and settled down, only to find a very dishevelled uncle with lipstick on with his legs on my bag.

"Sorry, those are mine", I said, trying to pull the bag away from him. Initially, he resisted, but gave in after a small struggle. I sat down next to him.

The man tried to strike up a small conversation with me, but was unsuccessful because I could not comprehend what he was trying to say. I received a text message from Zhou Cheng, asking me to report to work because I was running late. I awkwardly bid the man goodbye and tried to leave the table.

"Wait, don't go", he suddenly said, in an astoundingly clear, but hoarse voice. "Give me a hug." I was shocked. Who is this stranger? Why is he asking for bodily contact with me? Condescendingly, I leaned forward, anticipating a tight embrace, bracing up for something bad.

The hug was surprisingly warm and gentle.

"You know, not many people are as accepting of people like me, as you are."

"Huh?" I was confused. Why is this man telling me this? I was really rushing for time and I didn't understand what he was saying, although his words were more comprehensible now. "Uncle, I need to go to work now... I'm late", I said.

"Don't go yet, they can wait. Let me tell you my story. I was a young girl of 12 when I first started piano lessons. Till date, I have gotten my degree in music and piano. However, while I was growing up, I developed a manly side of my personality, which i felt more comfortable with. People shunned me away, labelling me as a freak, as unnatural. I was initially hurt and scared, but eventually grew to embrace my manly side, till my voice broke..." He trailed on. Or should I say, she trailed on.

"Wow! My boyfriend's taking Grade 8 piano now, and I just see stars when I look at his work. Degree level music and piano! That's amazing!" I quipped.

"Yeah. It's rather unfortunate that people judge me by the way I look now. During that time, I was just focused on chasing my dream, and nothing else. People's opinions didn't matter to me, all mattered was whether i passed my next examination, whether my playing was good enough. I have been invited to schools for performances and talks. However, I am facing a big obstacle - I was invited to ACS Barker for a dinner and dance event, and they have asked me to bring a date. I have no idea who to bring! Since when did that school start having girls anyway?"

"Erm, they have a Barker Road IP Programme." I peered at her 3 exercise books, labelled "SCHEDULE", "CHORALE" and "THEORY". The "SCHEDULE" book was dog-eared and messy, full of scribblings and markings. She was indeed someone amazing. What would someone like her be doing in KFC talking to random strangers like me?

"Just remember that when the world is against you.. Just chase your dreams..." Her voice echoed to me again, more clearly this time.

"Just chase your dreams.."

These were the 4 words that resounded in my head as I woke up today. It was a lucid dream, something which I never experienced before. A dream that made me go "Ahhh..." when I woke up. Barker Sec does not have an IP programme. I don' know how I dreamt that up. Time to conquer the world.

Decisions

2011-01-16T01:20:00.000+08:00

Hello. I am currently contributing to the unemployment rate of Singapore.

I have 3 job offers pending currently, and I really have no idea which one to choose - okay, one of them isn't exactly an OFFER, but more of a choice.

1. Something I really like - Photography. Photography Intern, to be exact. However, I don't really know the pay because I FORGOT to ask. WIN. -_- Already accepted for a trial though; have until Friday to decide.

2. A desk job with a reputable firm. Boring, but stable. Interview granted so far only. Well, it does have something to do with photography, but I don't know. Guess I'll just try out for the interview first?

3. Own business. T-shirt sales. I know, with the flop of theRfactor a few years back, and the failed venture of gotwire 2 years aago, I should know better than to venture into this kind of things again. However, I have already bought the silkscreen materials, and it does seem interesting. The only problem is marketing, and the details of the whole scheme of things. Previously, I didn't exactly continue on my venture because I didn't have time due to studies. This time around, I have all the time I want in the world, and I believe this can be quite lucrative if executed well.

I really don't know what to go for! ):

Middle Muddle

2011-01-12T03:00:00.000+08:00

When you know that someone dear to you is facing a lot in life, but yet has already chosen to believe that you have given up on them and refuse to accept any form of concern or help without suspicion, would you hold on, or give up?

我寂寞寂寞就好;

Back To School?

2011-01-11T00:00:00.000+08:00

So my O level taking friends got their results today. Thinking back, when I got my own O level results, I had experienced torrents of emotions. Not that my grades were horrible, or really awesome.. I guess I surprised myself in some areas and was a little disappointed with some of my grades. It has been 4 years.. Guess time really flies.

I really miss school - Today would have been a day of pep talks, teachers attempting to jump start lessons, or milling around the school, catching up with the latest gossip if I had donned the turquoise blue uniform, or the white-and-navy uniform. School provides a paradox to most students. During holidays, one wishes for the holidays to be over soon because of sheer boredom. During the school term, one wishes for the holidays to come sooner because of the dreary day-to-day in school. Personally, as much as I used to complain about having to sit through hours to ahem*useless*ahem lessons in the past, I'd rather be doing that now than working. Not that work is boring, but school gives me a kind of direction to take in life, as compared to the aimless wandering I'm currently going through.

Gone are the days of CCAs, of council meetings, or of queueing up for stall #5 wanton/tom yum mee in Nan Chiau High. Gone also are the days of constantly 'pulling up our socks' everyday whenever a discipline teacher is around. I distinctly remember Mr Dalvey Neo mentioning during morning assembly one day that he didn't want us to graduate with the only memory of our secondary school days as 'pulling our socks up and down everyday'.

Getting a little nostalgic here.. Damn.. Really miss school.. =/

Anyway, I'll end off by wishing my friends who are deciding on their future paths now the best of luck, with wisdom and prudence in the choices the make. Remember, whatever you choose, never turn back and regret the path you have taken! (:

If I wake up tomorrow will you still be here?

2011-01-06T23:26:00.000+08:00

Okay. I'm back. After a REALLY long hiatus.

Been really caught up with work of late, and I guess the reason why I have the luxury of time to update my blog here is because I have been ~~chao keng-ing from work of late~~ pretty sick for the past few days, what with all the fever, diarrhea, vomiting, and the usual suspects - flu and cough. But I feel relatively better now, well enough to return to the yellow and blue wonderland in Shaw Centre tomorrow.

Honestly, I have been meaning to leave that place for a while already. Not that I don't like the working environment or anything - okay, maybe a little, but so does everybody. Maybe I'm seeking a change of working environment. As of yesterday, I have sent out copies of my resumes to apply for Photography Assistant posts, of which only one replied. Ironically, I didn't even include a proper cover letter for that one. I didn't even expect to be picked out for that one because it involves work with babies and children - none of which I have taken a fancy to in the past 21 years of my life. Oh well, I guess it will be a learning experience for me? (: It never hurts to learn how to coax kids.

Then again, I DO feel a little guilty inside for my constant absences at Bibi & Baba for the past week. 3 January saw a massive crowd for the shop, and a fever on my side, as well as two essays for University of Chicago to complete. Well, AT LEAST i can say au revior to the likes of university admission forms till March. (: 4 January, spent the first day of school at school. Dunman High to be exact. Went back to the shop after that, and developed a fever later at night. 5 January, my off day at Bibi & Baba, and a supposed full day event at Castle Beach. Feverish, sore throat, and a terrible flu. Even my mother suggested that I wasn't in the condition to stand under the sun for the whole day, so I had to suck it up and stay home sleeping, which ironically worsened my condition later at night, with torrents of vomit accompanied by a fever. Guess I'm much better today, after lots of sleep and a few more visits to the sacred bowl in the toilet. Feel quite crappy that the past few days have been spent burning off strange ills though. Will be back and kicking into action tomorrow!

Now I really don't feel like doing anything except photography, lomography, and the likes. Except I'm a little broke now. Eep.

Guess I'll be updating this blog a little more over the coming months due to sheer boredom? (: Till then!

Update

2010-12-22T22:45:00.001+08:00

Going to update my blog more often now, i guess, since i'm relatively freer now.. let's start with a new look..

Literature

2010-12-10T09:27:00.001+08:00

It's ironic that while i have been complaining about my inability to appreciate classical literature from time to time during my 8 year stint as a literature student, i find myself experiencing this unexplainable desire to pick up a good book or two to read after the exams. Bought two classics yesterday - Dracula by Bram Stoker and Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift. People have asked me why I don't want to save a little money by reading such classics online - The feel is just different. I'd rather hold a real book, thank you very much. (: Hence, I decided to come up with a book list (compiled from BBC's list of 100 top reads and out of my own desire) to slowly check off as the next 8 months go by..

AA Milne Winnie the Pooh
Adeline Yen Mah Chinese Cinderella
Amy Tan The Kitchen God's Wife
Amy Tan Saving Fish From Drowning
Anita Desai Fasting, Feasting
Anna Sewell Black Beauty
Arthur Conan Doyle Adventures of Sherlock Holmes
Arthur Golden Memoirs of a Geisha
Bram Stokes Dracula
C.S. Lewis The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol
Charles Dickens David Copperfield
Charles Dickens Great Expectations
Charles Dickens Nicholas Nickleby
Charles Dickens Oliver Twist
Charles Dickens A Tale of Two Cities
Charlotte Bronte Jane Eyre
Dante Alighieri The Divine Comedy
Darin Strauss Chang and Eng
Dave Pelzer A Child Called 'It'
Dave Pelzer The Lost Boy
Dave Pelzer A Man Named Dave
Douglas Adams The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
E. B. White Charlotte's Web
Emily Brontë Wuthering Heights
George Orwell Nineteen Eighty-Four
George Orwell Animal Farm
Geroge Elliot Middlemarch
H.G. Wells The Time Machine
H.G. Wells The Invisible Man
Haruki Murakami Sputnik Sweetheart
Herman Melville Moby Dick
Jack London White Fang
James Fenimore Cooper Last of the Mohicans
James Joyce Ulysses
Jane Austin Sense And Sensibility
Jane Austin Pride and Prejudice
JD Salinger The Catcher in the Rye
Jerome K. Jerome Three Men in a Boat
Jonathan Swift Gulliver's Travels
Joseph Heller Catch-22
JRR Tolkien The Lord of the Rings
JRR Tolkien The Hobbit
Jules Verne 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea
Jules Verne Around the World in Eighty Days
Kenneth Grahame The Wind in the Willows
Khaled Hosseini The Kite Runner
Kōbō Abe The Woman in the Dunes
Kumiko Kakehashi Letters from Iwo Jima
Lan Samantha Chang Hunger
Lewis Carroll Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
Li Cunxun Mao's Last Dancer
Louisa May Alcott Little Women
Malcolm Gladwell The Tipping Point
Malcolm Gladwell Blink
Malcolm Gladwell What The Dog Saw
Margaret Mitchell Gone with the Wind
Margret Atwood The Handmaid's Tale
Marilynne Robinson Housekeeping
Mark Twain The Prince and the Pauper
Mark Twain The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Mark Twain The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Nathaniel Hawthorne The Scarlet Letter
Natsume Sōseki I am a Cat
Natsume Sōseki Kokoro
Natsuo Kirino Real World
Oscar Wilde The Importance of Being Earnest
Oscar Wilde The Picture of Dorian Gray
Paulo Coelho The Alchemist
Philip K. Dick Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?
Philip Pullman His Dark Materials
Richard Bach Jonathan Livingston Seagull
Robert Louis Stevenson The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde
Rudyard Kipling Just So Stories
Shizuko Todo Ripening Summer
Sir Walter Scott Ivanhoe
Su-Chen Christine Lim Fistful of Colours
Tensuko Karayanagi Toto-Chan: The Little Girl at the Window
Tibor Fischer Don't Read This Book If You're Stupid
Victor Hugo Les Misérables
Victor Hugo The Hunchback of Notre-Dame
Vladimir Nabokov Lolita

The Sweet Smell Of Liberation

2010-11-30T19:54:00.000+08:00

Liberation from A levels smell like.. RAIN.
Will update a lengthier post soon - got stuff to settle in the meantime!
Toodles, and i miss you guys! my tagboard feels lonely ):

get inked!

2010-11-20T22:14:00.000+08:00

okay. i'm damn bored. XD
looks like the zebra markers i bought didn't go to waste! tumblr and boredom does wonders sometimes..

20 Random Facts

2010-11-18T00:00:00.000+08:00

Seems like boredom has taken over me..
1. I really love starry skies
2. and rainbows
3. and anything vintage.
4. I really want to fly a plane again.
5. I drink vitagen realllly slowly.
6. I actually love what i'm studying, I just hate being examined.
7. I get paranoid quite easily
8. I love the people around me.
9. I really should be doing my econs.
10. Every time i start up blogger, i get stuck and turn it off.
11. I want to do a lot of things after the As!
12. I have been accepted to relief teach! (for now)
13. I am a super messy person.
14. I am a shutterbug. And i haven't been shooting for a while ):
15. I waste a lot of time on the laptop..
16. I was from the band. And i want to go back.
17. I'm quite cheena. Seriously. I'm Chinese and I'm proud of it!
18. I miss my secondary school lots ):
19. I sign up for marathons which i don't train for. =X
20. I've been cracking my knuckles a lot lately.

Rant.

2010-11-13T01:36:00.000+08:00

I dont know what i did that wiped out my entire cbox's content -_- argh. anyway, i think updates on little bits and pieces of my life (as well as replies to conversations) can be seen on my twitter feed (right column of my blog).. but that doesn't mean i'm going to cut down on blogging! just that sometimes when i come here, i get stuck thinking of what to post, and evantually give up. hah!

ps. been trying to love lucy in a room with a view lately. fell in love with freddy instead. =X
pps. itunes is being such a bitch tonight -_-
ppps. i love my study buddies to bits! <3

Sweet.

2010-11-11T09:34:00.000+08:00

The greatest nightmare of my life (so far) is over!
Okay. i'm quite elated. but nonetheless, i doubt i will spiral d0wn int0 typinqq lyk3 diis f0r mai bl0qq p0sts withh e absence 0f e needd t0 wryt3 pr0p3rlyy...

ahem.

anyway. certainly, i do feel a sign of relief that GP is finally over... and the sense of complacency or blind confidence i have for my other papers is kinda scaring the living daylights out of me. i miss my study buddies, fanzhi and zhoucheng. ): they got math papers today and tomorrow, and i won't be meeting them till tomorrow! )): emodieme. okay, it's not as if anyone can control that anyway. ahahaha..

guess it's time to turn back to my pile of notes

Read: PILE of notes.

that's what i have to face everyday before i study. roar. and that's only the tip of the iceberg... alot more is stashed on my bookshelf and in my files... that's probably only what i used for my revision THIS YEAR. ahaha. oh well. i'm a slob, so sue me. perhaps placing the notes there would let me dream of the a level answers... (:

Take A Bow

2010-11-07T09:53:00.002+08:00

Rnadom Meme

1. Put your music library on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. You must write that song title as the answer to the question, no matter how silly it sounds! Most of the time they seem to work though, strangely enough.

4. Ok, go!

1) IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OK?" YOU SAY?

dont stay - linkin park

2) HOW WOULD YOU BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

i got a feeling - black eyed peas

3) WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

bad romance - lady gaga

4) HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

jingle bells - basshunter (lol christmasy mood much!)

5) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

work it - missy elliot (okay. no life. -_-)

6) WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

like toy soldiers - eminem

7) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

somebody told me - the killers

8) WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

easier to run - linkin park (escapist!)

9) WHAT IS 2+2?

plug in baby - muse

10) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

five colours in her hair - mcfly

11) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

bittersweet symphony - the verve (hmmm...)

12) WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

angel in the night - basshunter

13) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

starry eyed surprise - paul oakenfold

14) WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - mary poppins (LOL!)

15) WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

hysteria - muse (problem child..)

16) WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

lying from you - linkin park (okay. bad. context.)

17) WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

dota - basshunter (wahlao! i dont even play dota..)

18) WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

map of the problematique - muse

19) WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

boten anna - basshunter

20) WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

take a bow - madonna

Daddy.

2010-11-07T09:26:00.000+08:00

Oh man, i just woke up from a really bad nightmare.

Dreamt that i was in school with my parents and there was some amazing race going on, apparently run by the us administration.. we were sitting in for some instructional talk inside centrestage.. and we had a pair of really cool binoculars.. on the other end of the centrestage, we scoped out some terrorist looking people -_- when the dude was done talking, the terrorists took over the stage and started commanding people, and FLOCKS of people started evacuating the hall. of course, my family did the same, but as my mum was walking in front of me, and my dad was behind me, i somehow lost track of my dad. once i realised that we had parted, i called my dad.. and realised that he was stuck inside centrestage, held hostage by the terrorists. and i said the most wtfbbqiwanttocry stuff ever..

omg.. papa.. papa.. i really love you.. you're the best father ever.. one and only.. please be safe! why you never come out! got any way to come out or not! ....are you being taken hostage there, or are they gonna bomb the school? papa.. if in any case i dont get to tell you this again.. i love you..

then i woke up. argh.

The Trumpet

2010-11-05T21:28:00.000+08:00

Gleaming in the sun
He declares his appearance with a regal fanfare
Standing - loud, proud and flambouyant for all to see

Mellow
Concerto after concerto
He croons a tune
Melodic, expressive, soulful

Brioso. Con Fuoco. Legato. Passionato.
Terms which did not daunt him
He wore his heart on his sleeve

Kept away at the back of an old cupboard
Silenced by neglect, criticism and shame
He shall be heard, no more.

Seriously.

2010-11-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

Frustrating.

After this post, i will put all negative emotions aside, and get back to being the same positive motivated self. i just need to express my anger, on this public space; it's not that i'm not aware of the possible repercussions of my post - i want to let readers know how i feel about this matter, and not be considered as a pushover. i also feel pretty damn indignant about friends getting stuck in this situation. sometimes, altruism doesn't pay. seriously.

it's 7 days to the major As. stress levels are up and it is innate of almost everyone to be selfish, even towards friends. as a friend mentioned, events like these really bring out the true colours of people - which i really agree with.

come on, as a close friend, i might feel stressed when studying with friends who do better, and in fact, use it to my advantage because i can thus siphon their studying techniques and find something that works for myself. however, that's pretty much not the case. of course, i'm not the party facing that situation - but it's not as if we never provided help for the 'victim' of this kind of underachievement.

when stress levels are incessantly on the rise, it is natural for people to keep to themselves, do what works best for them, so that they can achieve their full potential. one does not give up on oneself, and expect others to be there for them during this period of time, when everyone needs to concentrate on their own work. you've got to serious about your work, and cut off all emotions and distractions in order for the person who is providing assistance to feel appreciated for the effort they have put in to help you. honestly? volunteering to get involved in, and emotionally affected by everything else, leading to you having to cancel appointments with the person who offered to help you doesn't exactly help yourself. furthermore, it doesn't give you a right to throw tantrums when the person has already made plans to study his own stuff. do you really expect someone whom you have foresaken time and time again to keep being there for you unconditionally when they are faced with the same examinations as you? please man.

furthermore, it's pretty senseless (to me at least) to give up on something TOTALLY when you do not get your way. who is the one who loses out in the end? yourself. who is the one receiving the brunt of your actions? yourself. honestly, it might just be wasting our time; but it has more far-reaching consequences on you. come on, you know it better than all of us that you are not performing up to what you expect of yourself. you know that you need help. you know what you need to do in order to get that help. i'm not discounting your efforts in seeking assistance; but i just find it senseless that you push that help away just because of a minor issue of you feeling left out, or rejected. do you place your pride over your eminent success (or doom)? would you rather feel happy now that people are acceeding to your every whim and fancy, than feeling satisfaction when you reap the fruits of your efforts in the end?

lastly, it is not as if the whole world is against you. in fact, nobody is. however, going on your own tangent so often DOES make on rethink their faith in you and your abilities, which would lead to you feeling that the whole world is against you. please. the world does not revolve around you and your mentality. you are but a tiny fish in this vast ocean, where much greater ideas and socially accepted thoughts precede your tunnel-vision view of the world. nobody appreciates a tiresome sour puss who is self-defeating. people do things altruistically for your own good because they care for you and your future, but you do not appreciate them. in fact, you turn your back on them and expect them to always be there for you. why is everyone coerced to put up with your tantrums and requests all the time?

get your bloody idea right.

Officially Nine.

2010-10-30T11:10:00.000+08:00

Nine more days to my first paper - am i excited? OBVIOUSLY... ~~not.~~

truth be told, i'm really excited for the examinations. my body, on the other hand, isn't as prepared. i've been falling sick recently; fatigue taking over, sore throat, flu, and the likes. geez. and don't try asking me to take vitamin pills, because i seem to have some kind of adverse reaction to vitamins ): the more i take vitamins, the sicker i become. sad right? sigh.

just woke up from a 14 hour comatose state, and i was kinda freaked out the multitude of dreams i experienced - from failing a levels, to a class outing to.. i can't really remember. but the one that really affected me the most was failing a levels. i dreamt that i received the exact same grades as what i got during retention, a whole string of Subpasses.. and i jolted up. at 5am. okay, 5am was ALRIGHT i guess, considering the fact that i slept at 8.30pm yesterday night. ^^; ANYWAY. geez. don't you guys just hate this kind of dreams? ): perhaps it was a sign telling me to "wake the hell up and start studying!".. hm.

guess i really need to go put some effort into studying.. ciao for now (:

2008.

2010-10-27T00:53:00.000+08:00

Stumbled upon a little part of my life 2 years ago, which i had kept at the back of my mind since then, quite untouched.

as i did mention before, you certainly cannot pretend things didn't happen when no proper resolution has been carried out. certainly, this issue did not have a proper resolution - or did it even need one in the first place? mistakes were made, paths split, new lifestyles were formed. people move on.

well, while i do hold on to that friendship we once had, i guess some things can NEVER be the same again. in fact, the whole idea of that friendship between us, has never been the same since that day. however, i do not blame you for that. i did intend to write you a letter, telling you how i felt about the whole issue - but what's the point of doing all that?

time heals wounds. although the scars might remain, i'm actually quite relieved and glad that you have found your new lease of life, and are living the very dream you had as a kid now. i'm really happy for you, really. unfortunately, i cannot express how happy i am for you directly because of such barriers created by fallacies in the past.

affected? i'd be lying if i said i'm not. nostalgic? kind of. ~~hungry? definitely.~~ in any case, i had previously pledged to only think positively in this one month or so, just to keep the momentum going.. and i shall. i definitely will.

When You Wish Upon A Star

2010-10-24T14:47:00.000+08:00

In a bid to keep spirits up of late, I've decided to turn to a little Disney, Hisaishi and Tchaikovsky.

Well, while I certainly will not be all elated and all, proclaiming that the past few weeks have been really stress-free and happy, I will not mope about how depressing my week has been either. Come on, who are we kidding here? The As are so near, there's bound to be emotional highs and lows going on.

I have graduated. Finally.

There's a sense of elation in that moment, but well, there's a little reluctance - especially when I've found a really really awesome class to be with, it has to end now? Seriously. But, oh well, I'll talk about the graduation another day.

My fluctuating emotions lately have been pretty new and scary to me, but thanks to great friends like Hong Kang, KS, Fanzhi, Fikri and Sean who constantly encourage me, picking me up when I stumble and fall, I guess things have been alright so far. So, thank you, guys (:

On a lighter note, I found this song yesterday while searching for Disney soundtracks. Personally I have never watched Hercules (but I intend to do so!) so I have never heard this song before.. yet, it comes across to me as inspiring and motivational! Here's to all you guys going through a rough point in life, or are taking major examinations this year:

And I won't look back
I can go the distance
And I'll stay on track
No, I won't accept defeat
It's an uphill slope
But I won't lose hope
Till I go the distance
And my journey is complete

trepidation. anticipation.

2010-10-09T10:08:00.000+08:00

on one hand, i'm freaking excited about the upcoming a levels (shoot me).. on the other hand, i'm freaked out! ... fuck man, like next week's the last official full week of school, no kidding. and gp's coming! =/ which is, pretty scary actually. short random burst of comment, gonna go mug naowz. baiz people!

Just Keep Moving.

2010-10-04T20:49:00.003+08:00

This is probably going to be the most intimate post in this blog so far.

4 years ago, i made a decision that would alter my life forever.

close to 4 years later, i'm sitting here, blogging about this, because after my major disappointment today, i realised that i have to make another impotant decision.

I Need To Stop Being Average.

Since secondary school, i have been attaining either close to abysmal results, or average results. and honestly, i didn't care much, except for facing my parents' faces when i reached home. i knew that i was failing. i didn't give a crap until the last minute.

@ Secondary 3 Promotional Examinations

Tracking back to my ~~old~~ ancient blog posts, this was the corrosponding entry regarding this piece of ~~trash~~ history.

DEPRESSED.

english paper 2, chinese paper 2. physics all cept for section c, e maths all, e geog, lit.

25/50 for english!! wth.. my most qiang [strong] sub get 25 i duno wat 2 say for the rest liao.. and the compo i wrote out of point.. so no hope liao.. chinese. 39.5/70?! y dun give me another 1/2 mark!! walau.. 56%.. highest i scored for chinese paper 2 since sec 1 T_T physics no hope liao.. first paper i got back.. 39/150!! wat type of mark is tat?! really drop till so jialat lor.. y me n 39 go so much yuan fen [fate]!! T_T e maths was the most disappointing 1.. 48.8/100 wth.. freak lar.. can go zhi sha [commit suicide] liao.. e maths oso a quite ok sub for me lor.. how can FAIL!!! e geog.. 24/50.. WTH 1 more mark to pass.. now kao my SS liao.. lit was the last paper i got back 2dae.. quite ok lar.. 42/75.. which is like 56.6% AGAIN.. y everytime stuck at tis mark!! can't i at least IMPROVE to b4?!

let down alot of pple... srry wm.. i promised to score well.. but i improved by negetive percentage.. dui bu qi [sorry].. i noe 2dae iz ur bdae.. happi bdae.. srry wo rang ni shi wang [i disappointed you] le.. srry victor.. i promised to work hard.. but nv improve.. most dui bu qi 1 is mr ho.. i promised to xing yi xing[wake up my idea].. but i FAILED MATHS AGAIN.. haiz.. can go zhi sha [commit suicide] le.. T_T

okay. three things.

so i had been dramatic since i was 15 (or younger)
how CHEENA could i possibly get?! (hence the english translations in [square brackets])
i actually CARED, but i don't remember studying VERY HARD for this examination. hmm.

anyway, another excerpt i found in the same week worth of blogposts..

talked to minghan.. and he said my report card was on the table.. i wen 2 class.. yd told me tat it was wif mok.. so i wen staff room.. JUST NICE he was there.. and he REFUSED to give me.. till he met my parents.. wth lar.. toopid skl.. see le see again.. cos i BODERLINE fail izzit.. fail more then 3 subs.. like most of those i fail iz boderline 1 lor.. suay-ed.. so dun care him lar.. he hurt my ego.. i gu qi yong qi [muster up courage] to find him.. and he went NO. in such a harsh tone lor.. then after tat siao siao le.. first depressed.. then become lame.. then depressed again.. haiz..

depression much? so, apparently after flunking out on more than HALF my subjects, i actually ONLY bothered about getting my report card back. lol. i find myself amusing at times. on a random note, i actually spoke laiddatz. toopid skl. hehehe. ANYWAY.

i guess i picked myself up evantually, and started slogging my ass off for A Math and Chemistry.. but evantually dropped those subjects to make way for Combined Sciences and well, no A Math. and i became average. like, plain jane. my results weren't wonderful, but a show of effort and improvement.

@ Secondary 4 Preliminary Examinations

The exact results i used to ~~get conned into~~ enter MI for first 3 months, PAE. well. ~~If only it is so easy to get straight Bs now.~~ It wasn't easy, seriously. Consecutive days of mugging for math, many many MANY re-workings of summary and comprehension, as well as force feeding of vocabulary words (which i actually enjoyed, sick minded me), set after set of other school prelim papers. It wasn't easy. However, looking back, i would still muse that the As are definitely by far much more difficult than the Os.

O level results came, and i was Average, as usual. Iffy results, i would say. Came to MI. Produced the piece of document which was first presented in this post.

Epicness didn't stop there. Well, it can be said that my results in MI were so-so, enough to tide by, until 2008, where i lost my focus on my school work totally, and produced something somewhat similar to the stunt i performed in 2005.

@Pre-U 2 ~~Promotion~~ Retention

Okay, i need to say this before you readers start thinking "omg, why is this girl bragging about her not-so-glamourous past?" NO.

my point here is that i DID stop being average. I became worse than average. It was, in all honesty, brutally painful, but i didn't cry about it. I never expected myself to ever retain in school, as my academics had been average all along. But I did. FML - not.

I remember being told in the first Parent Teacher Meeting (those dreaded, waste of time sessions..) that i would not get anywhere, and end up as a failure in life if i continue getting such grades. Such grades referring to my score of EES for H2 subjects. Which was honestly an improvement from the previous SSS. so i worked on it.

This brings me to this round of examinations. Well, although i didn't perform up to expectations this time, i must say that my grades are AVERAGE (yeah, what's new?); and this definitely Will Not Do.

Disappointing? Definitely. Giving up? Not Yet.

i guess this song more or less sums up my determination for now? (:
STAYING STRONG. FIGHTING ON.
34 MORE DAYS.
I WILL NOT BE AVERAGE ANYMORE.

Apprehension

2010-09-28T00:10:00.000+08:00

@spicyeggroll.tumblr

Apprehension. This is what i'm going through now, faced with the reality of "back to school" tomorrow morning. well, i SHOULD be well asleep by now, considering that i have to wake up at 5.45am to prepare for school tomorrow.. but well, i'm hooked on singing 汽球 by 许哲佩, a pretty emo song recommended by KS. well it's nice and stuff.. but the lyrics are super fast! ANYWAY.

maybe it's my elephant expectations of myself that renders the above comparision from kim possible true. expectations vs reality. i'm not ultimately optimistic about the results to come, know that i have screwed up in this round of examinations in more ways than one. but well, who am i to complain? i don't feel that i have been VERY consistant this term, a major disappointment to myself.

i don't know. this apprehension is kind of killing my anticipation to go to school. as the minutes pass, the anticipation turns to a form of dread.. yet i want to go back to school! it's so boring at home. oh man. ):

i guess i should just turn in. heh. goodnight, world (:

Balls.

2010-09-25T02:46:00.000+08:00

Repeat Pete!

Had a rather enjoyable evening with fanzhi and fikri at settler's! Thanks fanzhi for the treat (: and thanks both of you for the laughter (: haven't really laughed so hard in a long while! Repeat Pete really made me realise that my memory is much better than theirs XD Basically, it's a game like chop chilli chop, except the actions are based on the card you draw. First person who gets to the finish line wins (: and i won! (despite the fact that i moved 4 spaces back just to accomodate them XD)

anyway! off to bed (: long day ahead tomorrow! gotta wake up early to cook, then off to have another day of fun! (: whee.

Mobile Blog :D

2010-09-25T01:41:00.001+08:00

Okay, just a short announcement.. Just switched over to my old phone (which is surprisingly better than my new one -_-).. and there's this mobile blogging function, which uploads my just snapped photo to blogger - apparently, becase some of my photos are really uncategorised, i decided to set up a dedicated blog just for this purpose.

Link Here! :D

yup. check it out too! ((: i guess it would be something like the pictorial form of twitter, like twitpic or something.. but i feel more comfortable using this because my phone has the direct upload function, instead of going online onto twitter/facebook to upload it!

It's a simple thing called Consideration.

2010-09-24T00:31:00.000+08:00

©zeushadesposeidon

So i just ended examinations yesterday. Maybe it's because it was the prelims, a major exam that i would NEVER have to take again in my entire life (i think.). Maybe it was the stress. Maybe it was the NOISE that went on during my examinations. Whatever it is, i'm glad it's over.

However, i do wish that whatever i experienced in the exams won't EVER happen again. I remember very vividly in Literature paper 5.... While everyone was busy concentrating, the year 1s started SCREAMING and SHOUTING at the top of their lungs.. as if nobody could hear them at the basketball court.

seriously, excuse me. your exams are next week.. stop playing and go study kthxbai?

next.

geography exam was a huge hullabaloo. not because i was late. not because i literally sprinted to the 4th story, and lo and behold! found out examination was in the hall instead due to LAST MINUTE CHANGES (like seriously, thanks.), not because i was still perspiring like crazy when the paper started...

but, halfway into the paper.. suddenly choruses of HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU can be heard from the canteen. woah. seriously. i mean, i would have been OH-KAY with it.. but it HAD to rain. thunderstorm, at that. and as if the gods above were watching over us, unhappy at our performance, they had to give us a spectacular light show of lightning flashes, and super stereo surround sound thunder effects to go along with that. if that wasn't enough, the lightning warning system had to WHINE it's way through the paper. the combined effect of all those spectacular sounds was something that accumulated to "neh ni neh ni poo poo! you're gonna screw up your exams!" seriously. fuck. fuck it.

so PLEASE. please. my dear juniors. if you KNOW that there's an examination going on, do everyone a favour and keeeeeep quiet can? don't add to the natural factors that are already taunting us, totally beyond our control.

thanks. :D

2010-09-22T23:55:00.000+08:00

TIME TO TAKE A BREAK. (for now)

wee. prelims are finally over! let's just say this was a very traumatic experience for me.. never been so stressed in my life? or melodramatic during the paper.. oh well. just have to wait for the grades.. not going to make any assumptions..

going to send my samsung corby for repair tomorrow.. then sell it off! omg, totally cannot stand it anymore... it's screwy in all aspects.. and registers a memory full when the memory clearly isn't full..

enough of my rant.. brain dead. update again!

ABC

2010-09-17T11:34:00.000+08:00

before i leave for consultation.. i got the impulse to do this meme....

before i leave for consultation.. i got the impulse to do this meme....

ABC About You Questions:
A - AVAILABLE: not really.

B - BIRTHDAY: 1 March
C - CRUSHING ON: nobody.
D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: coffee
E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: a few people leh..
F - FAVORITE SONG: 4 chords song by axis of awesome, holding on for a hero by jennifer saunders, tik tok by ke$ha
G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: both! but i like bears better.
H - HOMETOWN: hougang. :D
I - IN LOVE WITH: nobody.
J - JUGGLE: currently juggling my school life and personal life..
K - KILLED SOMEONE: erm, in runescape.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: woah. erm, 18 hours!
M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: don't like milkshake..
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 0
O - ONE WISH: for my favourite nurses to be at skin centre later!
P - PERSON YOU CALLED LAST: erm, daddy!
R- REASON TO SMILE: my friends (:
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: scar by missy higgins
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 10am.
U - UNDERWEAR COLOR/PATTERN: greeeeen stripey! :D
V - VEGETABLE(S): i like!
W - WORST HABIT: procrastination aka now.
X - X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: none.
Y – YOYOS ARE: fun and potentially dangerous.
Z - ZODIAC SIGN: pisces/horse.

Random Questions About You:
Spell your name without vowels: JYC TN MN FNG
What color do you wear most?: white. turqoise (school uniform). i dont know.. random lor.
Least favorite color?: erm. i don't have one.
What are you listening to?: the fan blowing.
Are you happy with your life right now?: kinda i guess.
What is your favorite class in school?: economics. geography. literature. i loveee my subjects!
When do you start back at school/college?: 2007. old fart.
Are you outgoing?: mostly. depends on situation though.
Favorite pair of shoes?: my adidas white base pink stripe school shoes and brown lee pumps!
Where do you wish you were right now?: in school. damn lazy to travel omg.

THE CANS:
Can you dance?: not really.
Can you tie a cherry stem with your mouth?: never tired.
Can you whistle?: yup. :D
Write with both hands?: yeah. my left hand handwriting looks like a 5 year old kid's.
Walk with your toes curled?: yeah.

THE DO'S:
Do you believe there is life on other planets?: not in this solar system.

Do you believe in miracles?: maybe.
Do you believe in magic?: no -_- HAHA.
Love at first sight?: hmmm. like at first sight ba. love needs to be cultivated.
Do you believe in Satan?: no..
Do you believe in Santa?: definitely not.
Do you know how to swim?: yeah!
Do you like roller coasters?: never been on a real one ):
Do you think you could handle the stuff they eat on those reality shows?: er.. most of it yeah i guess.

THE HAVES:
Have you ever been on a plane?: definitely.
Have you ever asked someone out?: yeah
Have you ever been asked out by someone?: uhuh.
Have you ever been to the ocean?: no -_-
Have you ever painted your nails?: yeah!

THE WHATS:
What is the temperature outside?: cold.
What radio station do you listen to?: 933fm in my dad's car.
What was the last restaurant you ate at? : wah that was long ago. i can't remember.
What was the last thing you bought?: uhm, pasta from pastamania?
What was the last thing on TV you watched?: taiwan long juan feng -_-

THE WHOS
Who was the last person you IM'd? : fikri. like just.
Who was the last person you took a picture of?: myself! hahahaa. camwhore much.
Who was the last person you said I love you to? : erm, fiona if i rmb correctly.

CRYING SECTION:
Ever really cried your heart out?: yup
Ever cried yourself to sleep?: yup
Ever cried on your friend's shoulder?: no -_-
Ever cried over the opposite sex?: yeah..
Do you cry when you get an injury?: when i was a kid..
Do certain songs make you cry?: yeah

HAPPY SECTION.
Are you a happy person?: generally.
What can make you happy?: when my friends and loved ones are happy.
Do you wish you were happier?: sometimes.
Can music make you happy?: yeah

LOVE SECTION.
How many times have you had your heart broken?: few times.
Have you ever loved someone so much that you'd die for them?: erm, yeah, i guess.

LOOK AT ME.
What is your current hair color?: black.
Current piercings?: 1 on my right ear.
Have any tattoos?: nope.
Eye color?: dark brown pupils.

IN A BOY/GIRL:
Favorite eye color: brown? hahaha. doesn't matter as long as it's easy on the eyes.
Short or long hair: short, but long's fine i guess.
Height: erm, preferably taller than 170cm.. haha..
Best clothing: presentable.

HAVE YOU EVER
Been to jail: nope.
Mooned someone: definitely not.
Laughed so hard you cried: yup! many times.
Cried in school: yeah.
Thrown up in a store: errrr. maybe i did. can't remember.
Done something really stupid that you still laugh at today: not yet!

THIS OR THAT
Pepsi or Coke: coke. no difference leh actually.
McDonald's or Burger King: er, both are alright. not ALL the time.
Single or Group Dates: single.. but group's okay with me.
Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla!
Strawberries or Blueberries: strawberries!
Meat or Veggies: meat! :D but i like veggies too!
TV or Movie: movie!
Guitar or Drums?: guitar! and drums!
Adidas or Nike: adidas!
Chinese or Mexican: chinese of course.
Cheerios or Corn Flakes: i've never tried cheerios. -_- deprived.
Cake or Pie: pie! :D

killing boredom @ 3am..

2010-09-17T02:49:00.000+08:00

two coffees and five essay outlines later...

An AHM Analogy

2010-09-14T01:22:00.000+08:00

with Robert after the race! :D the guy who woke me upat 5am and made me realise that i was damn late...

with Fanzhi and Fariz! :D

okay, i'm just going to rant this out here, because i feel that it's about time i should share my take on the army half marathon which i took part in yesterday.. this post will be peppered with a few vulgarities, pretty much whiny, but well, it kinda reflects on how i feel at the moment, i guess. it's quite long, so be prepared..

1. The Begining

i was late. no kidding. i reached the start point at 5.45am. robert called me at 5am.. and i clearly remember the conversation..

Robert: Eh, where are you?
Me: I'm still in my bed.. where are you?
Robert: I'm at the start line already..
Me: WHAT? What time is it now??
Robert: 5am!
Me: SHIT SHIT. OKAY SEE YOU BYE.

and i was cheated by the start point. think it was too early in the morning, and i forgot about the timex starting mat.. or i was too gan cheong in wanting to meet robert along the route (which i never did).. so i ran BEFORE the start point. and you can imagine my expression when i reached there...

D:

2. The Run

achey, crampy. sian. those are what others would use to describe the run. i was actually very pensive during the run.. seriously, army guys are kinda forced to take part in this, while i signed up for it willingly, and even paid $45 for the race which so many people don't want to run - one day before my prelims. what the heck right?

this might sound very cliche, but i don't care.

the run really reminded me of my a levels. seriously.

during the run, i kept asking myself "why the hell did i sign up for this.. why am i running although i'm throwing up and all while i can be sleeping now.. why am i doing this out of choice.." when all the army guys were complaining that they didn't have a choice. during the first 10 km i was throwing up lactic like nobody's business. gross, i know. but what the heck, i didn't train and was unfit..

honestly, why did i choose to go to MI though i HAD the choice to go to a JC, or even a 12 pointer course in poly? why did i even retain there and allow myself to be 2 years behind others?

then after throwing up, and deciding to walk at the i don't know, 5th km? (yeah, weak, i know...) i took a look around me and marvelled at how pretty the MBS was at that kind of strange hour in the morning.. i looked at the guys around me (some walking).. and i started observing people.. it was a good break from all the throwing up, i guess. then i met alden after the 7th km mark! (: helloooo. okay, that really cheered me up alot. chatted for a while, and we parted ways.. after being considerably cheered up, (which was like, on the highway near tanjong rhu), i realised that the sunrise was STUNNING. seriously. kinda regret not taking a picture. the sunrise, with the flyer at such a close proximity in the foreground = super.

okay, this part made me realise that during my academic journey, no matter how long, arduous and full of complaints, i did take some time out to enjoy myself, to find some momentum, to appreciate the things around me. that's what made the race worthwhile, and it's what makes my own race in the a levels worthwhile. meeting alden made me feel that the friends i met during this journey in school are really people who have walked with me through a particular part of my journey, making this trip a whole lot more bearable and enjoyable..

the rest of the run was solo. but it wasn't THAT boring after that.. somehow, i kinda entertained myself by people watching, by trying to catch up with the guys in yellow and/or red pt kits in front of me, or people wearing super bright coloured running garb.. i realised i took more than 4 minutes to enjoy a banana.. and that i'm more of a water tank that i thought i would be. and i realised that i need a new running mp3 because mine died on me after 1 and a half hours though it was charged for the whole night.

short term goal - to catch up with the people in front, long term goal - to finish the race. this isn't new to me in the academic context.. because my long term goal is really to score in the As, and short term goal to improve in the upcoming examinations. shorter term goal - to wake up on time the next morning for school.

met with more people further ahead in the race, like anthony (i think) and marcus.. at the second last km, the sun was like.. blazing hot. at the last km, the muscles in my calfs PULLED. crap. i wanted to sprint. normally in school i could sprint AT LEAST 200m without sweat. seriouslyyyyy. i felt so irritated at the point in time that i wanted to just screw it and run - i tried, but my legs nearly buckled after less than 50m, so i (very reluctantly) jogged. the only thing that was going through my mind then was "just finish this damn race, damnit!"

this really reflects my current state. it's prelims. i'm demotivated. freaking crappy situation, equally crappy emotions. but i STILL have to continue and finish the damn race.

3. The Ending

the sense of accomplishment after crossing the finish line was WOOHOO. seriously. and i hope it will be the same feeling when i finally complete my As.

to all my dear friends out there doing the As, whether you are taking 4 freaking long years to do it like me, especially if you are taking 4 years to do it.. or 3 years, or 2 years.. just freaking do it. take time out to relax and appreciate those around you and your surroundings now and then, but remember to formulate your short term goals to work towards the long term goal of doing well for the As. no matter now tough the battle is, the satisfaction end is always worth it ((: when all else fails, remember that you have to finish what you started.

and that's the end of my very long rant :D

I ACT MY AGE. YAY.

2010-09-12T02:00:00.000+08:00

[x]You know how to make a pot of coffee
[ ] You keep track of dates using a calendar
[ ] You own a credit card
[ ] You know how to change the oil in a car
[x] You've done your own laundry
[ ] You can vote in an election
[x] You can cook for yourself
[ ] You think politics are interesting

TOTAL SO FAR:3

[x] You show up for school late a lot
[ ] You always carry a pen/pencil in your bag/purse/pocket
[ ] You've never gotten a detention :P
[ ] You have forgotten your own birthday
[x] You like to take walks by yourself
[x] You know what credibility means, without looking it up
[x] You drink caffeine at least once a week

TOTAL SO FAR:7

[x] You know how to do the dishes
[x] You can count to 10 in another language
[x] When you say you're going to do something you do it
[ ] You can mow the lawn
[ ] You study even when you don't have to
[x] You have hand washed a car before

TOTAL SO FAR:11

[x] You can spell experience, without looking it up
[ ] The people at Starbucks know you by name
[ ] Your favorite kind of food is take out
[x] You can go to the store without getting something you don't need
[ ] You understand political jokes the first time they are said
[x] You can type pretty quick

TOTAL SO FAR: 14

[ ] Your only friends are from your place of employment
[ ] You have been to a Tupperware party
[x] You have realized that practically no one will take you seriously unless you are over the age of 25 and have a job.
[x] You have more bills than you can pay
[x] You have been to the beach
[x] You use the internet every day
[x] You have traveled overseas for more than 5 times
[ ] You make your bed in the morning
[x] You realised people of the opposite sex might just make better friends.

TOTAL:20

2010-09-09T00:57:00.001+08:00

dear people here
(and some whose photos are on my corkboard, not on my table):

just want to know that you guys rock,
have made a very big impact in my life,
and i won't let you down. i promise.

99

2010-08-29T17:51:00.001+08:00

Questions i'm going to attempt to answer before i actually knock out because of caffine...
(kope-d from facebook, no less.)

1.What does the sixth text in your inbox say?
Lol ookay cancan. So when i reached home then i text you kay :) then you can roughly estimate what time i will get there.

2.Has someone ever told you they would be with you forever?
i honestly cannot remember.

3.Last person you were in the car with?
daddy and mummy!

4.Any plans for tomorrow?
go to school. go to skin centre. go home.

5. How long does it take you to have a shower?
15 minutes max! -beams with pride-

6.When is your birthday?
1 march

7.Is tomorrow going to be a good day?
i certainly hope so.

8.Did you kiss anyone on Friday?
which friday?

9.Ever thrown up in public?
err.. yeah. embarrassingggg. but there was nobody around. so okay.

10.What's on your mind RIGHT NOW?
veryyy sleepyyyy.

11.Who was the last person you talked to?
ks.

12.What is the WORST subject they teach at school?
uhm. i actually like the subjects i'm taking.. lol.

13.Have you seen anyone lately that you don't get along with?
nope. maybe, perhaps... hm.

14.What is your favorite colour shirt to wear?
no personal favourite though most of my shirts are white..

15.Have you ever been in a car accident?
nope.

16.Whats the closest thing to you that's green?
my pencil case. (black and green)

17.What would you like to be doing right now?
studying. but my brain isnt working.

18.Write down some lyrics to the song you're listening to right now.
not listening to music..

19.How many dogs do you have?
none.

20.Is anything bugging you right now?
nope.

21.How is life going for you right now?
how bad can it be?

22.Is there someone you care about more than yourself?
maybe.

23.What made you laugh today?
my father's search for "coffee shit"... (refering to coffee seeds)

24.What was the last film you watched?
aftershock!

25.What's the last conversation you had about?
installation of the new modem.

26.What were you doing at 7:00 this morning?
sleeping.

27. Do you like your hair long or short?
depends.

28.Do you want to see somebody right now?
kind of.

29.Do you like the rain?
yeah (: unless i'm doing some kind of outdoor activity.

30.Do you think you'll have a Valentine this year?
i didn't this year. maybe next year, who knows?

31.The last person you kissed needs you at 3 AM, would you go?
uhm. depends on what happened.

32.Would you honestly say you'd risk your life for someone else?
maybe.

33.Honestly, if you could go back 1 month and change something would you?
nope. nothing much to change.

34.How do you feel about girls smoking?
spoils their image.

34.Could you see yourself with someone forever?
i dont know?

35.What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
what time is it...

36.Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
yeah.. if i get into one in the first place..

37.Do you forgive and forget?
yeah. but sometimes i forgive but can't forget.

38.Do you trust people?
most of the time.

39.What are you not looking forward to?
end of As!

40.Do you get mad easily?
not really. but i've been pretty irritable of late.

41.Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
alot of people have told me that i have small eyes. pretty, nope.

42.Do you have strange dreams?
yeah. i always dream that i'm trapped in some building ._.

43. Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
not sure..

44. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
maybe.

45. Last thing you bought?
uhhh. with my own money, should be miso soup with rice from the school canteen. with my parents' money (heh heh heh), a pair of ripples slippers! :D

46. Are you a jealous person?
mostly not.

47. Does it take a lot to make you cry?
not really. i wasn't called crybaby for nothing.

48. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
yeah (: most of my friends are from the opposite sex.

49. Have you ever had your heart broken? If so, how many times?
uhm. sensitive question... =/

50. Do you like to cuddle/snuggles?
yeah (:

51. Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now?
maybe.

52. How far away is the last person you hugged?
hmm. quite far. she's in amk D:

53.Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
not really. i want to sleep.

54. Is your life now anything like it was a year ago?
no. i wish i could be as zealous about work as i was a year ago =/

55. This time last year, can you remember who you liked?
yeah. clearly.

67. You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it?
water.

68. Have you lost contact with someone you wish you didn't?
hmmmm. not exactly.

69. What is the last thing you said out loud?
i can't remember...

70. When was the last time you cried?
urgh. i can't remember either.

71. Do you have friends you can tell stuff to and you're sure they won't tell?
yup (:

72. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?
switch off my lights.

73. What can't you wait for?
didn't this question appear already? end of As..

74. Have you ever told anyone you would marry them?
i don't think so.

75. What's the worst way to say "i love you?"
when the person doesn't mean it.

76. Seven days from now will you be in a relationship?
no.

82. Do you hate it when people smoke around you?
yeah! quite peevish about it. but if it's friends.. then i try to tolerate..

83. Do you have anything that belongs to a ex-boyfriend/girlfriend?
er, hmm. i don't think so.

84. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
yeah..

85. How long do you think you will live?
i dont know?

86. Does it bother you when people respond with one word?
yah! how do you continue a conversation that just ended with 'k.'?

87. Do you believe once a cheater, always a cheater?
no.. but i'd take precautions..

88. Who disgusts you?
people who aren't sincere.

89. Name one thing people think about you that's not true?
that i look/am like fiona.

90. What would you do if your best friend(s) turned gay?
er, like that lor. don't hit on me can already. LOL.

91. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
straight with slight waves.

92. Do you drink tea?
yup.

93. How do you feel about chocolate covered strawberries?
AWESOME.

94. Do you currently have feelings for anybody?
nope..

95. Have you ever stripped for money?
no! omg.

96. Is the last person you kissed more than a year older than you?
yeaaaaa.

97. Ever kissed someone with the letters c, a, p,d, q, s or j as their first initial
yea.

98. Two days from now this time, where will you be?
probably studying in carls' junior. yes, i have a sad life.

99. Do you think you are a good person?
i hope so.

Handwriting

2010-08-28T10:14:00.001+08:00

Joyce is a very emotional person with a broad range of emotions from the highest highs to the lowest lows. She feels emotional situations very strongly. She'll flash to the very peaks of elation, sweeping everything before her. Then, for some reason unknown to herself, she will burn out emotionally. These mood swings can be very disturbing to her. Sometimes, she feels that she can no longer produce anything. But, after given some time alone to "recharge her emotional batteries", she will spring back into action.
Because Joyce feels situations intensely, she relates easily to others' problems. If she is not careful, when she comes into contact with someone who is in a depressed frame of mind, she will also suffer the same emotions and change moods. Joyce reacts impulsively, without much thought before hand. She may plan everything in detail before she even begins, then do it completely different when the time comes to carry it through.
Joyce has a strong need for affection. She thrives on touching and being touched. Joyce desires being told that she is loved, every day. She enjoys being the center of attention. She loves attention, sometimes she even retells stories that got her attention earlier.
Joyce has the possibility of being a actor or natural born salesperson, simply because she relates so well to other people. She likes expressing how she feels, what she is doing, and what she plans to do. She is a people person.
She will work most efficiently in a people orientated job as opposed to a job working alone on an assembly line (that would drive her insane.)
People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Joyce doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.
Joyce will demand respect and will expect others to treat her with honor and dignity. Joyce believes in her ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. She has a lot of pride.
Joyce will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!
Diplomacy is one of Joyce's best attributes. She has the ability to say what others want to hear. She can have tact with others. She has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Joyce can disagree without being disagreeable.
In reference to Joyce's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Joyce slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.
She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Joyce can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.
Joyce is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Joyce basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.
Joyce is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.
Joyce is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.
For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Joyce has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Joyce fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Joyce has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Joyce seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Joyce seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin.

2010-08-22T00:25:00.000+08:00

Credits Atreja

I came to a realisation today:

In order to really be free, I need to allow myself to be free first.

And i will do that.

More Like A Photodump.

2010-08-18T03:02:00.001+08:00

“没了，才知道什么叫没了。”

caught AFTERSHOCK with wonderful company over the weekend! and i really must blog about this because.. i'm not one who gets all teary and emotional when i watch movies, while my friends around me are more emotional than me in that sense.. but this movie left me weaping like crazy, despite me knowing the plot already. it's that good. GO CATCH IT.


The awesome company i was with!

YOG fever has struck my social circle! Now that the opening ceremony is over, i can finally POST PICTURES OMG. but first, i must really thank the school for giving me an opportunity to go for CR4, and KS for giving me the tickets (yellow sector, yay!) to CR5..

08A2 cheering for the YOG torch!

YOG! :D

CR5: Hello KS. Some backstage action there..

CR5: Dragon head rolling.. rolling.. rolling...

CR5: FATHONA!


CR5: Little lactose intolerant guy who kept wanting to take pictures with us! And the picture's so blur. ):

CR5: TWITX! XD Thanks for the tickets! (:

CR5: Lesbian action! GO AWAY. D:


CR4: FARAH :D

CR4: Janan & Fikri!

CR4: POLE DANCER.

CR4: Fireworks!

CR4: Janan!

CR4: Freaking underexposed WHUT pose..

CR4: Sua-gu-I-have-never-been-here-before-Chinaman-pose... FAIL.

CR4: The Ah Pek aka Container Pusher.

NDP has also just passed, and i must say that i'm quite happy with the firework shots i got this year! (: Well, primarily because i got this -

SHUTTER RELEASE REMOTE :D

went down to shoot on two separate saturdays - the preview and the actual day. was much closer to the fireworks on the actual day, and got alot more crop shots.. the rest of the photgraphs can be found in my facebook album (:

NDP: The Nth person who took a photograph with my tripod..

NDP: F16s (:

NDP: More F16s!

NDP: My favourite shot of the night!

NDP: The awesome people i met for supper after the shoot!

Preview: HDR Shot from Marina Barrage!

Preview: Caught Up in Colours

Preview: A special dedication to the 3 people who brought me the joy of fireworks (:

Presenting the Ultra-Bangla! :D

yup. and i think i'm getting very lazy to continue uploading the photos.. because alot of events have passed in the past two weeks of my absence! like, ms hong's birthday, national day celebrations in school, post-nat day council gathering.. etc etc. i guess i'll update this space when i have the time? haha (: till then (:

21 Guns

2010-08-15T04:23:00.001+08:00

Do you know what's worth fighting for?
When it's not worth dying for?
Does it take your breath away
And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?
And you look for a place to hide?
Did someone break your heart inside?
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road
And you lost all sense of control
And your thoughts have taken their toll
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass
And the hangover doesn't pass
Nothing's ever built to last
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own
When you burned down the house and home?
Did you stand too close to the fire
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die
And you can't get another try
Something inside this heart has died
You're in ruins

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns
Lay down your arms, give up the fight
One, 21 guns
Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Emotions.

2010-08-08T15:52:00.002+08:00

I think my emotions are going through this current phase of vacillation between progression and regression ._. again.

YOG (:

2010-08-08T15:44:00.000+08:00

Got the privilege to go for the YOG CR4 yesterday (: must say that it was an awesome experience! nt allowed to post photographs/videos though.. my camera's giving me attitude problems too.. urgh. (long post after the jump)

met the rest of the MI contingent in school at 4.30 to take the bus to the f1 pit. i was separated from fikri and janan during the whole trip! boring ttm. if not we'd have debated about some random crap.. the usher, gareth, who was following us seriously reminded me of someone.. can't remember who though. kenneth? ohwell. i like his crumpler bag! :D

apparently mr azman drove past our bus at the f1 pit and waved to us. random!

arrived at the pit after a very long traffic jam... and had our dinner in the airconditioned vip room :D although the conditions weren't very vip-ish o.o the dinner was really very.. healthy. i mean, seriously. it was some turkey breast sandwich chock full with vegetables, with an apple and 2 dates on the side. and there was ice cream! didn't take pictures because i was simply too hungry to bother.. XD

1 hour of waiting and photo taking time.. then off to the floating platform (as officials)! :D was kinda disappointed, because i thought our seats were the really VIP seats in the red box.. turned out to be light green sector. with a stupid mop looking thing blocking my view. ._. sat through the really er, youthful(?) introduction.. then we had the "athletes" come in.. and they took a reallly long time to sit down man. D: anyway. i kinda liked the show! it was more than what i expected, being someone who only watches NDP for the military segment and fireworks.. but never for the show segment.

there were awesome pyrotechnics, fireworks, and water features! :D okay, the fireworks kinda came as a surprise (not really, actually). the set up was nice.. like, right about the helix bridge where there was nothing behind it.. one can never get enough of fireworks ^^

there was this segment, the origins.. where it featured people working from the past of sg to the present day metropolitan city.. if i remember correctly, the huge puppets that appeared from the containers that were pushed out are recycled from last year's ndp? the container came as a surprise.. didn't expect it to morph.. and it's because of that segment that the song tik tok by ke$sha is STILL stuck in my head. ._______. okay.

then there was one segment full of pyrotechnics! the little girl, who's the lead of the segment, is really CUTE luh. i seriously take my hat off to her for not being afraid of all the fire and fireworks.. after she left the stage, alot of fishes started come out from the pool at the back of the stage.. and fikri was exclaiming "OMG LAND OF FISH" because the day before during 'don't forget the lyrics', i told him that the lyrics were "land of fish" instead of "land of peace", and we were arguing about the existence of such a "land of fish".. XD so after a while, the carp transformed into a dragon.. with a damn cool dragon head with fireworks coming out of it... and a matching dragon tail to boot. and the girl was on the dragon head! it was here where i realised that i could only see most of the show through my 200mm lens ._. because everything was so tiny from where i was seated that i couldn't see anything at all.. zz. but what i COULD see were the pole dancers.. cuz there was one right in front of me! cool! she was really hot! (:

then there was the nightmare segment, where all i saw was a mess of tiny beings on stage ._. and the book that said CHAMPION (aka fikri.. cuz of his jacket). but the song was nice (: kinda saw the monsters before the whole show started, and was commenting that it's not something i'd want to wake up to..

there was the symphony orchestra which was made up of wind, string and chinese orchestras (i think).. the piece was nice.. and the way they were brought out on stage was quite cool! like, on airport trolleys! quite a novel idea, no? and so those were the guzheng looking things i saw on stage the day before while passing by the platform.

then there was a guy playing the piano in the pool. in an onion. and THE SONG WAS NICE. anyone has any idea what song that is? was damn mesmerised by him...

and the garden bit! the dancers were awesome lah. their dance kinda reminded me of my nanchiau days. the music was nice also! :D it's something on growth (i think)?

then the flags of the participating nations were brought in. and this was where we had to cheer for our represented countries, namely argentina and guinea bisau. and we ended up cheering for just about any other country significant to us singaporeans... like bangladesh, china, south (and north) korea, brazil, spain... and of course SINGAPORE. hehe. and two things i never knew till yesterday - that there are so many nations i have never heard of before, and that guinea and guinea bissau are two different places. XD

olympic flag, pledges and anthem after all that, as well as the "start of speech" and "end of speech" of "jacgues roggue", the president of the IOC and a few other people - representations of them of course, one of whom looked like mr azman o.o

and i expected fireworks at the end of the olympic anthem! D:

anyway, left the stadium after the whole event, and realised that the stage was FLUFFY. okay no, it was quite FURRY. idk why. took more pictures, got chased out of the float, and went home FAMISHED. o.o

and that's the end of my YOG experience. not really. that's just the opening! gonna watch the athletics semi finals and finals, as well as the handball semi finals! ^^ can't wait.

ps. events might not be in order because i'm seriously disorientated now ._.

pps. thanks to all the backstage people for making this event as awesome as it is! :D can imagine all the barneys and black suit people.. as well as the motivators reporting faithfully every saturday/other rehearsal days just to do this.. because backstage rocks yeah!

ppps. go watch the event on tv on the 14th! it's worth your time (: i'm definitely catching it again! i'm sure it will be more awesome than it already is (:

Early Bird

2010-08-05T16:01:00.000+08:00

While my classmates are still in econs class, i'm actually already back at home..

Was at skin centre earlier.. had a really pleasant experience as usual! however, today's experience came with a twist.. (okay, besides there being a doctor review today) the nurse who attended to me was the guy whom i have seen around ALOT when i was doing my previous treatment there.. and i always wondered if he specially attended to male patients or smth. what's the best thing about it? HE FREAKING LIVES IN MY NEIGHBOURING BLOCK. and he's into planes too! omg. how come the world is so small? man, really want to make friends with him! (: damn awesome lor.

so i'm home earlier today. gonna be productive and finish up whatever i have push away due to procrastination in the past few weeks! :D woohoo.

Light My Fire

2010-08-01T04:06:00.001+08:00

two tasks today: HDR and fireworks.
fun shoot! except.. marina bay sands was in the way of 100% of my fireworks shots D: damn you, MBS!

on facebook: for you awesome people who inspired me to pick up fireworks photography (:

this photo (i'd reckon is the best of all my firework shots today) is dedicated to melswee, kohtc and ks, who i used to watch the ndp fireworks with religiously in 2008, at the marina bayfront. prior to that, i have never camped near the ndp site to watch fireworks live. those were fond moments i'll never forget, and after failing to capture nice shots in 2008 (due to lousy camera), and 2009 (due to camera shake).. i decided to make it a good one this year. well, i attempted to.

so this photo is specially for you guys, the wonderful people who made my life so much more beautiful with these fireworks (:

Liberation

2010-07-31T12:13:00.001+08:00

I'm going to the barrage later! yippiedoodles! ~~alone. T_T~~ (yay! darren's coming along!) owrights, i guess it'd be boring for anyone other than a photographer to tag along with me.. because i'll be camping there, attempting to capture fireworks shots!

To me, fireworks, especially NDP fireworks, symbolise greatness and happiness. It also brings back many fond (sometimes nostalgic, sometimes heartbreaking) memories of the yesteryears.. bittersweet, i guess.

Latte Art!

2010-07-24T22:01:00.000+08:00

i hope daddy makes up his mind to get his coffee maker so that i can do awesome shit like latte art!

anywho, just a random plug about emotions..

u know those times where u feel something, but yet can't put a finger to what it really is? those times where u really want to say and do stuff, but hold back due to past (bad) experiences? sometimes it's really mind over matter, mind ruling over the heart.. but in all honest opinion, some risks aren't worth taking, if the possible consequences are horrible though the desired outcome is out of this world.

and i honestly should be dabbling in affairs of 1980s women now, instead of blogging (and being distracted by the chinese funeral music thats blarring from my opposite block's void deck).. grr.

I'm just.. bored. ._.

2010-07-22T23:52:00.002+08:00

owrights. since i have ALREADY wasted one day.. let today be my official rest day.. reward for my astounding geog results? maybe. but it's back to the crunch tomorrow! since i'm in this mood now, i shall.. do a quiz i stumbled upon on facebook!

THE RULES OF 15:
* Go through your profile page or wall and list the first 15 names you see.
* Do not list any repeats; simply go to the next name in the list.
* Then, answer the 37 questions below, pertaining to the 15 people.
* When you finish, tag all 15 people in the list, so the cycle can continue.
* If you've been tagged, copy and paste this information into a new note, and follow the directions above.

1. Yvonne Lee
2. Victor Pan
3. Melvin Joseph
4. Ng Hui Shi
5. Janan Lee
6. Alfred Tang
7. Melissa Swee
8. Tan Fan Zhi
9. Fikri Iskandar
10. Renaldy
11. Shawn Ko
12. Seah Wei Ming
13. Christina Wong
14. Darren Lee
15 Wendy Choo

1. How did you meet 1?
BAND :D my awesome junior (:

2. What would you do if you never met 8?
no idea man. no study buddy, no basketball buddy, no soulmate? D: i can just emo pls. haha.

3. Would you date 2?
HAHA. what a question..

4. Have you ever seen 12?
yuppers!

5. Would 2 and 13 make a good couple?
AH. maybe? hahaha!

6. Do you like 14?
LOL. like as a friend luh. (:

7. Do you think 6 is attractive?
haha.. he's a cassanova!

8. When was the last time you talked to 3?
few days back when he called.

9. Would you ever date 7?
YES! :D

10. Where does 15 live?
Jurong? no idea man.

11. What is the best thing about 9?
HE CAN TOLERATE MY JOKES. no idea how he does it man.

12. What would you like to tell 13 right now?
HARROWS.

13. What is the best thing about 12?
he's a v good listening ear!

14. Have you ever kissed 12?
uh. (:

15. What's the best memory you have with 14?
cooking!

16. Who is 10's best friend?
ah? i duno leh!

17. What was your first impression of 4?
wah. that was so long ago. i guess it was "WAH MY SECTION GOT GUYS, AT LAST"

18. Is 1 your best friend?
haha we're in the cornet family! :D

19. Have you seen 5 in the last month?
YAAA. in school!

20. Would you kiss 11?
huh! for?

21. Have you been to 13's house?
nope. we only met once? lol.

22. When's the next time you'll see 9?
TOMORROW.

23. Are you really close to 6?
yeah, quite (:

24. Would you give 3 a hug?
urh. yeah, why not?

25. Do you know a secret about 5?
er.. no?

26. Describe the relationship between 14 and 4?
non-existant..

27. What's your friendship like with 7?
it isnt a friendship.. it's a sisterhood :D

28. Have you ever danced with 12?
er nope.

29. How do you know 2?
BAND :D

30. Does 8 have a bf/gf?
nope..

31. Have you ever wanted to smack 4 in the face?
nope..

32. Has 13 met your mother?
nope

33. Have you travelled anywhere with 10?
er, back to hougang from school?

34. If you gave 1 $100, what would they spend it on?
i don't know!

35. What's your best memory of 2?
everything (:

36. What is the last thing you did with 15 ?
talked to her along the coridoors!

37. When did u meet 6?
like, in 2008 at plaza sing (:

Outliers

2010-07-20T23:02:00.000+08:00

Which reminds me that i need to complete the book (since it was brought up at the gp lecture today)... XD man, it WAS a good idea to buy it after all... though it was more of an impulse buy at that time ^^;

You know, sometimes i really don't know if i should dish out the harsh facts, or offer encouragement. honestly, both ways work for me.. but not for everyone. sometimes, it's difficult to decide on a course of action to take in order to help a friend. sometimes, it's difficult to phrase your intentions in the correct manner in order to let the friend you are trying to help realise your true intentions. then again, how do you phrase something that is so objective into something palatable for the listener?

i'm sorry if my words were harsh, but i really have no idea how to rephrase them.

FART-lek! :D

2010-07-19T20:20:00.000+08:00

(really) short update! since i haven't been updating of late..

just returned from a run! though it was only 2km.. i really feel the chuiness of myself. ~~i could feel my butt fats wobbling as a ran..~~ was very easily tired out.. D: roar. i WILL be better! and i'm signing up for the standchart marathon! :D as well as the army half (:

owrights. gonna take a shower and enjoy dinner :D

Today.

2010-07-15T16:16:00.003+08:00

Today, is the day i shall set everything in place. To remove all Distractions, to make sure i can no longer give myself anymore Excuses to not Study at Home.

To Do List:

~~Upload my backdated A Photo A Day photos.~~
Pack my Room ~~(Especially the Table)~~
Finish Updating my SGC
SLEEP. (Been rather deprived of it since school started.)

Today, my class went through a pep talk from Mr TEW. Idk lah, i guess, some might find it boring, or a waste of time.. but i personally took it as a push, or a jump start, or a wake up call if u will. What he said really made sense to me, especially the part about retention.. I really don't wish to waste anymore time, and this has to start today.. Except, i really need to sleep. For the past few days, i realised that everytime i tell myself that i will take a break in the evening and rest well, i find myself studying till late.. and end up like a dead zombie the following day. In other words, Brain Spoil, Totally "kua".

[ Side note: McDelivery just smsed me, telling me about it's new promotion - the spicy nuggest and honey chipotle shaker fries.. abit late huh, i just had that for lunch! it's pretty nice though (: worth a try..]

Yup. SO, i will get some rest (though i was told that i didnt deserve it), and tomorrow, the cruising will stop. It's time to throttle up.

And my thumb and toe are numbing from my liquid nitrogen cold burn.

--
and i actually forgot what i wanted to post until i finished my rant above.. until i posted the entry. heh.

what i really wanted to say is:
I'm begining to think i'm really lazy? cuz my APAD photos aren't exactly dilligently photoshopped anymore - but edited using iphone camera applications. slightly longer proceedures: take photo using phone, upload to photobucket, download on ipod, edit, upload on photobucket, download on laptop, upload on aminus.. but hey, the effects are pretty naise! :D makes me wish i had an iphone so that i can cut all the hassle.

Edited using HDR for iPhone

These two were edited using Photoshop for iPhone.

Of course, me being the kiasu.. I did download quite a few other image editing apps.. Will upload more photos in the day to come as i take them.. hehe! (:

How True.

2010-07-11T01:41:00.000+08:00

(simplynorule)

曖昧

2010-07-10T21:42:00.001+08:00

RULES:
1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Tag 15 friends
5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
6. Have Fun!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS ARE YOU OK WHAT DO YOU SAY?
No Such Thing (John Mayer)

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
Vanilla Twillight (Owl City)

3. HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR LIFE LONG LOVE?
好心分手 (王力宏, 卢巧音)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
I Believe (范逸臣)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Kingyo Hanabi (Ai Otsuka)

6. WHAT’S YOUR MOTTO?
Harder To Breathe (Maroon 5)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Hello Seattle (Owl City)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Ocean Avenue (Yellowcard)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
孤單北半球 (欧得洋)

10. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Map Of The Problematique (MUSE)

11. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Lips Of An Angel (Hinder)

12. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Persis Overture (James L Hosay)

13. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Unintended (MUSE)

14. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Bigger Boys And Stolen Sweethearts (Arctic Monkeys)

15. WHATS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
黑色毛衣 (周杰倫)

16. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
大舌头 (吳克群)

17. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
I Miss You (Blink 182)

18. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Check Yes Juliet (We The Kings)

19. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
曖昧 (杨丞琳)

20. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR LOVE INTEREST?
Bad Day (Daniel Powter)

-i skipped the tagging part.. too troublesome ^^; i did this just out of boredom.. urgh. scouting for APAD photos today was fun! :D basically i just went around snapping photos of vegetables in the supermarket... pretty awesome, considering that my handphone camera brings fail to a whole new level.. (:

The Broken Smile

2010-07-08T01:12:00.001+08:00

If Only I Knew How To..

Wonderful.

2010-07-06T02:55:00.000+08:00

Great, just great. It's 5 hours to my exam and i'm still up.. with a bout of flu and a freaking earsore? honestly, i think that the grain of sand that entered my right ear last december is still there.. and is giving me a hell lot of nuisence.. just took a flu pill, hope the drowsy effect kicks in soon.. if not i'll never get to sleep. zzz.. zzz..

Awesome.

2010-07-05T00:01:00.003+08:00

I feel really fortunate to have friends like Fiona and Fanzhi by my side (:
Thanks, guys (:

on another note, i'm pretty irritated by my phone camera's resolution D: 2 megapixels is one thing.. but there's no AUTOFOCUS. wth ):

so GRAINY and out of focus! no depth of field at all(or to the layman, the behind blur in front sharp make ur picture look damn pro skill)! sigh. i miss my sony ericsson k800i.

blah. regarding the picture.. i'm really running out of time, and should stop procrastinating! ): it's a bloody deadly sin man. and that's my super sexy puma watch ^^ okay that was random. bleargh. it doesnt seem like i'm studying for my papers coming up on tuesday.. more like i'm mugging for the As already. but i guess that's what it should be? (: owell.

22 more weeks to END OF A LEVELS.
JIAYOU MANFANG, YOU CAN DO IT.
(and jiayou everyone else too!)

formspring.me!

2010-07-04T12:17:00.000+08:00

Just for the fun of it, i created a formspring account! so you guys can ask me anything, even anonymously! (: the form is on the right side of the page just above my tagboard (:

Duckling Woes.

2010-07-04T01:57:00.000+08:00

Preparing for an end of the year trip to __________(no idea where) with my beloved Fiona and Melswee! However, many many things need to be settled.. for example, my many bad debts =/ looking into my piggy (ducky) bank.. i realised that this is all that's left..

not alot actually. roar. time to start saving. i'm really looking forward to the trip!

honestly, i'm really looking forward to end of As. blah. time to get cracking and start studying too. not much time left =/ gonna mug tomorrow. instead of sleeping in the whole day - like today. XD totally concussed after meeting fikri to pass him something at 8am.. zzz. one day wasted.

anyhow, i realised that i'm getting pretty hot on photoshop of late. my photos are starting to look heavily photoshopped. maybe that's the trend of 2010? hehe. ^^; managed to update APAD today! woohoo.

The Nuturing Hand

2010-07-02T21:08:00.001+08:00

The most memorable teachers are those whom you can still recognise, 10 years later, if you run into them on the bus.

I ran into somebody whom i never expected to meet (well, not out of school at least) today.

It was raining cats and dogs, and in a rush to get to Ang Mo Kio to meet Fiona, and frustrated because i couldn't get a cab albeit waiting along the road, i boarded the first bus 74 that came along the way. After fumbling and making a fool of myself trying to close my umbrella, get my wallet out and keeping my paperstocks dry at the same time, i finally found a comfortable standing spot near the door. Didn't want to sit as my tee shirt and fbts were dripping wet with rainwater.

Then i saw her.

Seated right across where i was standing was this bespectacled lady in her seventies, in a floral green blouse, office pants and courtshoes. She was armed with a handbag and a trolly-bag. I did a double take when i saw her.

Miss Chan Ah Moy, P5 Chinese Teacher.

At that moment, i was already very sure that she is the very woman i imagined her to be, though i wasn't sure if she recognised me. Come to think of it, i do look very different from how i did ten good years ago. Memories played out before my mind's eye, just as if i were in a movie theatre. The scene where i was seated next to the dustbin doing my undone chinese homework, the scene where i was called up to the front of the class to recite the weekly chinese poem, the scene where chalk was thrown at me because i didn't complete my corrections.

Of all these memories, two particular scenes came across as very vivid and real to me. The first one was when i was forced to come up to the front of the class, hold my chinese workbook high above my head and recite this line over and over again to my classmates: "我旳名是陈满芳. 我不知羞耻, 不自爱." (Which translated to 'My name is Chen Man Fang (my chinese name), I don't know what it's like to be ashamed, and i don't love myself) I remember reciting that line over and over again, like clockwork, tears streaming furiously down my cheeks. I remember looking down at my blue pinafore and not-so-white canvas shoes, not willing to face the faces of my classmates, who were probably jeering at me. I didn't earn the nickname "dustbin's best friend" that year for nothing.

The second incident comes across to me now as touching, yet.. dissapointing. Or rather, i feel rather disappointed with myself when i remember that. It was pre children's day. We had lessons, as usual. I was in my hotseat, at the corner of the classroom, next to the dustbin, as usual. We were having a spelling quiz, where different students had to go up to the board to write out the prescribed spelling words - and i got mine wrong, as usual. I remember being scolded for getting the word wrong, and tearing silently in my own corner (yes, i was very emo at that point in time). 5 minutes towards the end of the lesson, she started giving out children's day gifts. I remember that her gift came across to me as very "mature", as she gave out PENS. At primary 5, writing with pens was pretty much a big deal. It was the transition period from pencils to pens! She started giving out the gifts to my classmates seated at their tables.. and i had prepared to not get anything from her. At the end of her round, she came to me and threw me a pen. I was very plesantly surprised, and rather shocked.

She still regarded me as her student, and not that piece of rubbish as she had always labelled. Thinking back, i guess it was a gesture of peace, that she really wanted me to learn from my incorrigable ways, instead of slacking off on chinese. Harsh punishment was her way of showing care and concern. I was in her Thursday remedial lessons, which caused me to quit my CCA as a librarian.

I guess there was a good reason why i was very paisay to approach her just now. I had progressed so far in life, still remembering all the lessons she taught me. I couldn't care less for the chinese lessons.. but those life lessons are indeed invaluable. It has been ten long years since i sat next to the dustbin. In these years, the metamorphosis my mentality has been through is indeed tremendous.

I really don't know if she recognised me, but her frequent glances across to my direction told me that she did. Whether she remembered me or not - that's another story. Then again, she probably did. How many students can proudly proclaim that they have sat next to the dustbin for their chinese lessons for 3/4 of the year?

To me, teachers should be nuturing as students posesses alot of potential to succeed, and definitely will if they are taught correctly. Not only are the academic lessons important, life lessons need to be taught well too. The school environment is a very sheltered one, with teachers who will advise and guide students if need be. It lacks the harsh politics of the real world, where many people are power hungry and will manipulate others to get what they want, be it money or status. Honestly, 2 years after stepping out into the working environment, will one still remember the various weathering processes, or how to use integration, or how the amplitude of a wave relates to its frequency? Unless one's occupation is highly specialised, or that person is a teacher - it's really unlikely that all these textbook content will be remembered. However, this 'dustbin' experience has taught me that love and concern for students does not only lie in counselling and patience.. It can also be found in the harshest of punishments. I believe i will carry this unique life lesson through the course of my life - like how i had done so in the past ten years.

Shopping (Guilt) Trip

2010-07-02T01:45:00.000+08:00

THREADLESS $10 SALE.
i just bought FIVE shirts, courtesy of SHAWN KO. awesome lah!
then i realised how many bowls of instant noodles i have to eat over the course of next month. =/ rahhh. guilt trip ttm. anyway, my wardrobe needs a change, and more tee shirts! can't always be wearing my race shirts/school shirts out all the time ^^

Bought the following shirts:

really love the one with the cone that says "Seems like everyone is avoiding me".. SO CUTE. no wait, i really love ALL of them! :D actually, there are more shirts which i'd love to buy.. but guess i'll just wait for a time when i have more money? (:

FLASH(ER)

2010-07-02T00:00:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST BFF, VICTOR! :D
BIRTHDAY GIFT!
(turn the pages on the bottom right/left corners)

Renewal

2010-07-01T22:53:00.001+08:00

Ello people!

I'm a blogger again! Hahaha. ANOTHER blog? you may ask. this is like my Nth blog/social media account - in addition to wordpress, livejournal, tumblr, wetpaint, scribd, yada yada.

kinda stopped blogging in april due to As? but i realised that it isn't really working.. i'm still on facebook, twitter and everything else.. so what the heck.

prior to that, my switch from blogger to tumblr was due to blogger's imba screwed up security that gave me all kinds of popups and all.. guess the reason why i came back here was on whim. (: let's see how long this lasts.

i'll reactivate my (now very dusty) tumblr after the A levels, and run both concurrently since i will probably have all the time in the world. This side would be more of the day-to-day (boring) account of my life and photos, i suppose. The other is for reblogs and all that arty stuff.

yeap, that being said.. i guess i'll find something to do, like edit my blog layout?